Steve Martin

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Move electric fan away from eye socket. RT @FionaMolly17 @SteveMartinToGo symptom: involuntary eye twitching...cause? — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Apologize. RT @johnmchugh8 @SteveMartinToGo STEVE my feet are sore — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Poison ivy. @CJAlegreukulele symptoms: aching toes after running into granite coffee table in stocking feet. — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

ASK DR. STEVE! Symptom: A feeling of fullness after eating. Possible cause: Broken ankle, arthritis, delusion. — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

ASK DR. STEVE! Symptom: Chest pain upon being hit in the breastbone with a flying skillet. Possible cause: hypertension, anorexia, pain. — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

ASK DR. STEVE! Symptom: You are 1lb overweight. Probable cause: Low self-esteem, paranoia, passive-aggressive disorder. — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

@EricIdle 3Adult diapers? — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Try to speak with exclamation points all day! “I'm tired!” “I’d like to order a sandwich!” It really brightens one’s mood! — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Announcing the announcement of the coming announcement of my new CD with Edie Brickell in April: http://t.co/uOo2NXlI — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Picked up my third personal foul tonight. — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

@wilsocher Muh ha ha ha ha. — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

I think my mirror has gotten older. — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE SUN TODAY! (If you hover 96,000 miles above Bogotá at noon.) — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

@EricIdle Okay, I laughed. Is that what you wanted? — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

I say when you want to post a picture of your new shoes, you should post a picture of your new shoes. http://t.co/TUFN0HVe — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Auld Lang Syne loosely translated means “old times past.” Take a cup of kindness yet for old times past. Have a good New Year. — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Saw some of my early work. Thought it was soporific! — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Trusting wife has a good rule of etiquette: You’re allowed to talk about what you DO eat, but not about what you DON'T eat. — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

@chikitafabi My website, http://t.co/ZtkxqmH5 — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

This [this] tweet [tweet] is [is] in [in] 3 [3] D [D] ! [!] — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

@CreeToner I prefer to think "ho." — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Have to fire my wife. She’s irresistible! — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND! Merry Christmas! — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

That’s right, ♫He sings a love song, as we (Andy Locker @aslocker @SteveMartinToGo) Evonne Goolagong! — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

♫He sings a love song, as we...? — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

That's right, "♫Gone away is the bluebird, Here to stay is (Steve H @pippity1 @SteveMartinToGo) ...that fat bluebird-shaped squirrel." — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

♫Gone away is the bluebird, Here to stay is ….?♫ — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

That's right, "Walking in a (Kirk Andersen @hawkeyekirk @SteveMartinToGo) giant dish of flan! — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

RT @MrDonoho: @SteveMartinToGo ...precipitation in the form of flakes of crystalline water ice that fall from clouds (source: Wikipedia). — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

♫A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, Walking in a…? — PolitiTweet.org