Steve Martin

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Beautiful New York day! I'm sure to win a photography award! https://t.co/aO10BP0fNY — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Here's a lovely interview with our record producer, the great Peter Asher. https://t.co/iqXjcGuk8i — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

I can't believe they spelled "Court" wrong. https://t.co/TJ1KuIbdbn — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

"Detective, yesterday I went around town distributing my dog's hairs in the back seat of all the cars." #HandyAlibis — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

"I'm sorry officer, but my cell phone does not 'ping' off local towers." #handyAlibis — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

My care was broken down and my Uber App malfunctioned. https://t.co/WqZPT6Flm3 — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

"Well, that cigarette butt is very interesting, but I *AAAHEW* don't smoke." — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

"I was at my doctor's at 10:12am, so there's no way I could have driven there in 14 minutes and gotten my blood taken at 10:45." — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

"I accidentally burned off my fingerprints with lye, officer. So nutty." https://t.co/u08XGUzg9J — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

"Unfortunately, my DNA changes daily." Alibi, just in case. — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

"Officer, I was home watching the Super Bowl. Here's the receipt for the chips." It's always good to have a few alibis handy. — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

If you're talking about me, I don't have no masters degree in philosophy. https://t.co/yrwyILPZ9I — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

I worked with this gentleman, Don Galvan, in 1964 at Knotts Berry Farm. At that time he played banjo.https://t.co/39sTAuiPyI — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Pathetic. But you qualify. https://t.co/R8v53ib0EL — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

So sorry that you are irrevocably qualified. https://t.co/qsL8YqUImy — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

So sorry that you are unqualified. https://t.co/RFLd9JIusf — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

You are exactly the audience we're looking for. https://t.co/RKibgcyzWn — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

That is so defeatist. Yet, you do not qualify. https://t.co/SLWya9cvRH — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

VISA stamp near the Matterhorn makes you unqualified. https://t.co/XhIKWq5whq — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

You can't take a pedigree on an airplane...wait. I'm thinking of hover board. https://t.co/e5lC8O3M5u — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Your money is not good here. https://t.co/dsNOLedHh9 — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Don't even go to the box office. https://t.co/snGkD5GxJD — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Is "dim stars" a personal slam? https://t.co/BXfBOcOD35 — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

If your circumstances are "dope smokin' layabout," you qualify. https://t.co/XS1Agf4cws — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

I'm sorry, but if you qualify, you do not qualify. https://t.co/LAAueP0ifG — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

You are qualified. https://t.co/bKQU8J9CAS — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

You would qualify, had it not been for the "user fee." https://t.co/xJAfgbV5T6 — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Sorry, you're one adjective shy. https://t.co/FPGcRXJp93 — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

The show is in Portuguese, so you do not qualify. https://t.co/lPko7PjM2P — PolitiTweet.org

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo

Marginally. https://t.co/QBY3EQ8sms — PolitiTweet.org