Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm performing tonight in Dallas. Interesting thing about this town; no one really dresses like this. http://twitpic.com/1ni7ob — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I've decided to start tweeting about major world events, so I just read four newspapers. Man, is it me or can Garfield be a real dick? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm a simple man. I start every day with a cup of joe, the morning paper, and a lavender Pan-Asiatic body scrub from my man-servant, Lobo. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Twitter exploded today! I guess my dream of a world where Twitter runs our stock market, phones, and nuclear defense is still a ways off. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey Mom, Happy Mother's Day! Hey Hallmark, screw you! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

If it ever says I’m following more than one person, I’ve been hacked. I’m a completely monogamous Twitterer—I only follow Sarah Killen. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I got this bruise stage diving. It's called "Giving 100%." It's also called ”Total lack of depth perception.” http://twitpic.com/1lunvn — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

On my bunk in the Tour Bus, eating Doritos and watching Team America. Me happy. http://twitpic.com/1llcrp — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm in San Jose and I'm going to visit Google. If you look up 'Google' on Google from Google, you see the face of God. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm performing tonight at a dinner theater in Reno. Who says my career is in trouble? http://twitpic.com/1l342b — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Through the desert on my way to Reno, I passed an establishment called "Shady Ladies". I think it's either a brothel or a tree nursery. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey kids, check me out on '60 Minutes' tonight. Watch for the part of the interview where I start crying and admit to mail fraud. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm in Vegas - and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Unless it's a superflu pandemic that spreads thru the nation causing chaos & panic. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I came in second to Lady Gaga in the Artist's category of the Time 100. Once again, I'm penalized for not wearing a bra that shoots fire. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Today my tour takes me to San Diego. San Diego is Spanish for "You Can Attend College Classes Without a Shirt." — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I just ran into Ellen DeGeneres on the Warner Bros lot and we played ping pong. I think she's really into me. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Who would invest in Goldman Sachs mortgage investments? I played it safe and bought Greek bonds and magic beans. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

We've added a show in Michigan. Finally I get to perform in a state shaped like a fat guy's hand. For tix go here: http://breslincenter.com — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Jim Carrey rudely interrupted my power ballad last night. How did he get past security in a Superman outfit? Look here: http://teamcoco.com — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm doing my live show tonight from the Universal lot where I taped The Tonight Show. So if a shot rings out, tell my wife I loved her. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm sending a tweet from inside Twitter HQ. I'll bet those hot girls in high school wish they had slept with me now. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Doing a show in San Francisco. This is a chair in my dressing room. I'm not kidding. http://twitpic.com/1hmrl6 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Today is my first real day off from touring. I'm home enjoying what my agent tells me is my family. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Eddie Vedder's set at my show in Seattle last night melted my eyeballs. Seriously, I'm going to sue Eddie for boiling my ocular-jelly. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

It took a trip to the Seattle Fish Market to learn my skin color is "Halibut White." http://yfrog.com/1chalibutwhite1j — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hayley Mills, Kourtney Kardashian, Melissa Joan Hart and I were all born on today's date. Coincidence? Or the new cast of Bad Girl's Club? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm performing at the River Cree Casino just before Don Rickles. My comedy life is now complete. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I just gave my waitress, Bambi, tickets to tonight's show in Spokane. Do I still have to tip her? http://twitpic.com/1g3u42 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Taxes are due today and I'm in Canada. Just try to catch me, Uncle Sam! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Welcome to the new http://teamcoco.com. Less predators than Craigslist, more predators than Facebook. — PolitiTweet.org