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Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@sweetney I'm so happy for you! Welcome... — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
New post on Babble today. Related: I have never, in my life, been able to eat food from a skewer due to this image. http://t.co/wWi4XCq — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@BethHamlet I think you might be on to something. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
It's the saddest part of my whole week. Right before Breaking Bad starts I get upset that in less than one hour it will be over. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
When I lose the signal for my GPS, I pull over and cry in my car. I think I might be useless in times of trouble. http://t.co/71jtwmM — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Ideal petting zoo combination (based on child's interest): shark, wolf, man-eating dinosaur. Also: fuck llamas. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Why are there llama's at children's petting zoos? All they do is give you the evil giant eyeball and daydream about trampling your children — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
On second thought, chemical combination may have just created mustard gas in my mouth. Please don't tell anyone how I died. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Drinking coffee with my Crest White Strips on. Genius level multi-tasking at work. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@herbadmother The first thing I did when I moved down here was to file down my antlers a little bit. You can barely see them anymore... — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @TheTweetOfGod: The number of political bumper stickers on a person's car is proportionate to how much his or her armpits smell like ... — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
OMG I just had the best idea (in which I win an award!) RT: @musashi_m4 If there was a Noble Prize for Unconventional Mothers, you'd win. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@FreelanceSlackr I can't disagree with you there — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Can't help it. Every time I see a commercial for Edible Arrangements, my brain wants to hear 'Oedipal'. Maybe not a great Bar Mitzvah gift. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Today I am resolved to do better, and that means I plan to laminate everything, including the children. http://t.co/71jtwmM — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@welcometoCC I heart Family Feud UK 'turkey' guy. That his family is so obviously enraged by him, is just the cherry on top. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
In Catskills-just got power back. Spent first 20 minutes celebrating with husband by watching Family Feud bloopers. #ThisIsWhyTheyHateUs — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@AmyACormier Awww! My Polar Express! Irene would be much more fun with a couple of bags of Tiny Toms. *Le sigh* xo — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Hope I don't have to ride out the storm in my basement. Earwigs might try to invade my skull and impregnate my brain. #itsdirtydownthere — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Crisis averted; @EvaScrivo I got my hair touched up before the storm. I mean, who's going to to rescue me with roots the color of rat fur? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
If True Blood was about sharks I would definitely watch it. @allanaharkin likes it though... http://t.co/wWi4XCq — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Suddenly *my* Condoleezza Rice scrapbook just doesn't feel quite so special anymore... — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Am I the only one wishing for *more* hurricane coverage right now? I wish I had a meteorologist sitting on my lap, shouting in my face. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Dear Lord-why 'cubits'? Confusing. Also: do I really have to bring hairless cats on my ark? I feel like we can do without them in the future — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Up all night building an ark, filling it with animal pairs. WTF-penguin sex organs are so confusing! Anyone here know how to sex penguins? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@mileskahn WAIT! What kind of emergency!! Oh God--is it a Code Brown?! — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
New post by @AllanaHarkin http://t.co/YacDX6y Doing Kegels can bolster one's invulnerability to Creatures Of The Night. Were You Aware? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@DFLamont but he does look dapper with a mask and a cape — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@LastOneHere182 Toronto. But when I'm on vacation I become a 'mountain woman'. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Please don't be too attracted to him. He's MY husband. Hands OFF. http://t.co/X7mVv7N — PolitiTweet.org
