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Samantha Bee @iamsambee
About to watch Breaking Bad on my DVR. Afterward, I plan to throw my television out the window as I clearly won't be needing it anymore. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Nothing gets me more psyched to perform than seeing myself listed as Samanthan Bee on an event's website. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@AllanaHarkin turned her baby's face purple. There is photographic evidence. http://t.co/EIrYZGuc — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @jennakimjones: Agreed. RT @bjgunts: Funniest video of the day. By far http://t.co/o7Itx5gS — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I did this. I ate cereal with a shovel. http://t.co/Yh4G3u8i — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
What To Expect When You Know Nothing http://t.co/ZSZuTyyU — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
OK seriously. It's time to #FF @AnaGasteyer and @AllanaHarkin. I'm not even sure what the FF stands for, but I do know that it's important. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@TheArmedTech will it be today? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Went to the dermatologist for an intensive mole photo session. Competing for the centerfold in 'Birthmarks Monthly' magazine. Wish me luck! — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
You cannot look cool walking down the street sipping from a Camelbak. It makes me think you are drinking your own urine, like in Dune. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Crafted with love by @mileskahn. But where it really succeeds is in the voiceover. http://t.co/Kpu7jaqZ — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
On All Things Considered @npratc tonight talking with @nprguyraz about this: http://t.co/SIWtPDs0 (I just went blind reading my own tweet) — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Sometimes I do a good job of appearing to be smarter than I actually am. Other times, I don't. http://t.co/SIWtPDs0 — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
"Newborn Week" starts Mon on EOTS. Tales of profound incompetence that will make you feel like a champion next to us. http://t.co/yhIHOUlW — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
An inter-webular caress for single parents everywhere. http://t.co/sJXuyaZu — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@jonesinforjason, I love you. I was gone for a week. The fridge is empty. What did you feed the children? Scrap paper? Pennies? Cat turds? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@mattywatts the audience for MTAT is very *exclusive*. Very *boutique*. A person who wears a lot of exotic pelts would appreciate it. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @AllanaHarkin: I need to step away from the computer before I turn into a pile of ash. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@herbadmother there must be some misunderstanding about the level of comfort I fly at. No Maple Leaf Lounge for me. I insist on 'cargo'. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
This is my dad @arbe999. He's into slot cars and not being able to identify the color green. #colorblind — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@wilnervision does it contain Xanax? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@wilnervision @aircanada make 'em ups! Akin to randomly culling flights due to under booking and pretending it wasn't the plan all along. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@wilnervision That's right. The flight scheduled 2 hours later than mine is departing. @aircanada genius level business model. Twitter War! — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@wilnervision I don't see you. Are you hiding somewhere? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Is there a reason why beverages can't be cold at airports? Do happy, hydrated people make airplanes fall out of the sky? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@AddieKerson Please say hello. Also I hope we tipped well. I'm pretty sure we left behind a lot of noodle debris. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Flight delays + an Americano + piped in Spice Girls music makes my brain parts malfunction. I think I might get arrested #civildisobedience — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
That's what happens when you tweet and your baby runs away from you. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
http://t.co/ocizdI0E — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Can somebody pls watch my baby at the airport? I'll be in the Maple Leaf Lounge, practicing my super sultry disco moves — PolitiTweet.org
