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Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Just found out my apt building has a Facebook page! Fun! If I'm ever bored enough to check it you have my permission to euthanize me. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @mileskahn: It's been a long but wonderful shoot today with @iamsambee. http://t.co/1L9UEyTL — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Parenting, Brothers Grimm style. http://t.co/hF3sjHT0 — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Every man, woman, and child from the nation of Luxembourg is lined up to buy pizza slices at the Whole Foods hot bar right now. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I thought my new neon cardigan was pretty cool until I noticed all the wasps swarming me, trying to mate with me and make me their queen. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
We have a lot of apologizing to do. http://t.co/kK5UoW3g — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @perlapell: The audience member on the "Rock of Ages" commercial just said she's seen the show 137 times. One for each rabbit living ... — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Shirtless driving is a 100 percent guarantee that you and your 1st cousin like each other 'more than friends.' — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@aasif ...together. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
It's good that Bebe exists, because how else could I open a discussion of 'bad choices' and 'how 70's prostitutes used to dress' w/ my kids? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@jonesinforjason is sitting across from me seat dancing to One Direction. It started as a joke, and quickly descended into girlish glee. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I'm pleased that Twitter told me to follow Duane Reade. They must know how much I adore unguents. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I love this woman's enthusiasm for her gyro. She is about to go to town on it. http://t.co/X7Yfy8m0 — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Today, I will only enter rooms by first kicking the door off its hinges. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I have no idea why, but I woke up today wanting to punch a tree. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@AnaGasteyer I'm teaching my children to speak English EXTRA LOUDLY to people of all backgrounds. Everyone loves it. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Every so often, a little cat whisker grows out of the side of my face. That's sexy, right? Like Catwoman? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@TheStevenWeber you look so much...*softer* in person (reaching my hand out to touch your face) — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I love meeting new people EXCEPT when it goes like this: "you look so much...*softer* in person" (hand reaches out to touch my face) — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I can no longer deny it. This anthropologie dress makes me look like an 18th century fishwife. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
It just took me almost 45 seconds to extricate my feet from the garbage can under my desk. Because I am a Lady. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I watched this and then a rainbow shot out of my ear. http://t.co/LgDrkGjQ — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@jonwurster Gun AND Rose (French Canadians only) — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@mybelovedrebel There is very little that maple cream can't do. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@straintest Well hello there--glad to hear from you! It was fun to do--but I give you all the credit for the hilariousness... — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@raoulbhaneja @jonesinforjason Hey! Happy Easter right back! We've stolen so many treats from our kids we've gone candy blind. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I miss my family back in Canada. I'm going to eat maple cream and stare at a book jacket photo of Margaret Atwood until it talks to me. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@amberherself Thanks! — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @amberherself: Halfway thru @iamsambee's book 'I Know I Am, But What Are You?' I've literally laughed out loud a few times - highly r ... — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@jonesinforjason and I are in separate rooms tweeting. It's very contraceptive. — PolitiTweet.org