Samantha Bee

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

When angels receive their wings, I wonder what other bird-like qualities they get. Please let it be chicken feet. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

RT @hoverlikebees: I can't fathom the amount of self-hatred a person must have to eat regular Oreos and not Double Stuf. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

Thanks @biggayicecream for allowing me into your 'inner sanctum' to work your 'lever.' (by which I mean, your ice cream thingy) — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

Hello to my talented Canadian friends and prolific potty-mouthers @allanaharkin @imponderables @billandsons http://t.co/S6jJlYOQ — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

RT @AllanaHarkin: I'm thinking of trading my moisturizers in for a lighting designer. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

RT @ChrisRRegan: Somewhere in the world there is a grandmother who was once shared by the Air Supply guys. TELL YOUR STORY, MADAME! — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

@lesliedf @AllanaHarkin Let's shower together again sometime soon. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

I don't care how many people tell me I'm being *ridiculous* or it's *impossible*. One day, I'm going to be decapitated by a wayward Frisbee. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

Cable box is conking out 2 min before Game of Thrones. Will it help if I bash it in with a sledgehammer, douse it in gas and light a match? — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

@birbigs Don't. You. Even. Dare. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

RT @Chookooloonks: Little known fact: @iamsambee has a third nipple (and great make-up artists) http://t.co/52XDuaPL — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

@TheStevenWeber i thought you'd never ask. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

@NekoCase for the right price I'll get those little shells at the bottom of each braid... — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

I just meditated for ten whole minutes on what I would look like with cornrows. Time well spent. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

I can no longer to attempt to deny it: I look my best when I'm dressed like Nancy Reagan. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

I'm going to change my Twitter bio to "cries easily." — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

I'm not afraid to own my quittiness. http://t.co/7zNReiRN — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

RT @MazoMeans: This headline from @Slate sounds like it should be muttered while field stripping a gun in a clocktower. http://t.co/jESKtfDx — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

@jonesinforjason just informed me that he is the Marc Anthony to my JLo and that I should always listen to him. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

Going to the #comedyawards. Going to try and sniff some celebrity belly buttons. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

@biggayicecream Oh my God...agh! Uh-uhhh *slips in a puddle of drool and breaks neck* — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

Thanks for telling me about your juice cleanse. I just pictured you hunkered over the toilet, trying to poop yourself skinny. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

I love this @allanaharkin. http://t.co/F9vaZjVS — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

Of all the things @jonesinforjason *could* potentially divorce me for, my secret love for A Prairie Home Companion tops that list. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

@chuckbyrn Hi Chuck — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

@ryanbelleville Your words have already brightened my day. Thank you. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

@biggayicecream I was just lost in thought picturing @jonesinforjason in his denim shorty-shorts and sweet tube top. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

@biggayicecream @jonesinforjason — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

@AllanaHarkin Under your name I also put 'flower-arrangements and lite S and M.' I hope your Mom is OK with that. — PolitiTweet.org

Samantha Bee @iamsambee

When an NYC restaurant has a "B" posted in the window, I assume it means that inspectors found pregnant cats giving birth in the salad bar. — PolitiTweet.org