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Showing page 53 of 75.
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@mileskahn and I have prepared a tour de force for you tonight on TDS. Veterans! Also @aasif @jonesinforjason @almadrigal @msjwilly! — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Moving day. I'm going to need a quart of human growth hormone and a tiger milk smoothie. Stat. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@SteadmanDrew on a case by case basis — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@SteadmanDrew I'm open to it. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Does anyone have scissors? Sporting an impressive white-pants-coffee stain and I'm thinking of making them into shorty short jean shorts. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Is anyone in need of a giant pimple to light their way in the darkness? I have one of those. (Also available for parties) — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
At what point do I become a sleep-shouter? Is it soon? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@SarahThyre I will be wearing Ziplock bags on my feet tomorrow, so that's a pretty good start — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
What's fun about moving is when you pack all your shoes and then you don't have any shoes to wear while you're moving. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Tonight's challenge: bake myself into a giant croissant and fight my way out using only my mouth. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
My favorite part of this LA trip is how my father keeps unironically calling it Albert Kinney Blvd. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Thinking of renaming my family "The New York Complainiacs" — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @heiditron3000: "What is life? What is the universe? Are there a myriad copies of me in other dimensions?" she pondered. Then her dog bu… — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Me to my children just now: "how about if we DON'T go anywhere, and just try staring into space for awhile?" — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Sometimes I catch my own reflection and think "I would have made a terrific Pilgrim." — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@RealGabbyHayes @thebosha All the Canadians. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@theleanover @TheBosha I enjoy learning about real-world solutions to real-world problems. Like for when your eyeball falls out. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@TheBosha Let's hold hands. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@benrossen AND the greatest thing I've ever seen. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
He's now a paper cup unicorn. That's much better. http://t.co/k1wkza8Qzm — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@GagaFanMel My mother-in-law just filled me in *shivers* — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I can't believe I've never watched this show before. Untold Stories Of The E.R. Feast your eye. http://t.co/MiOvzikFiK — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
What's good for chasing demons out of the human body? Acupuncture? Kale salad? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @ElBloombito: Cuidado! Mother Natura estan smokingo el cracko y thinkos esta wiñtero agaiño. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Somebody just told me 'palazzo pants' are coming back. Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, why have you forsaken us? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@biggayicecream Please start calling me Peppermint Gomez. Pretty please. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I'm molting. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Birds can be such assholes. http://t.co/iaZf6jl6V3 — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@aimeemann I really and truly adore your work. CAN NOT WAIT to see you on TDS tonight. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Parenting 3 children is like this: my son just peed in a tiny Calico Critters toilet AND I COULD NOT CARE LESS. — PolitiTweet.org
