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Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Let's all agree never to describe anything as "oozing with charm." #unguent — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Dear All Hotels: Why so many pillows? Are you planning to smother me? Are you hoping it will happen on its own? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Monday morning, working the lathe at the baby carrot factory. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@herbadmother I am very proud. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
At ballet rehearsal for older child. 2 year old just shouted "I CAN SEE YOUR VAGINAS" to all the dancers on stage. #fun — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
40th bday gift idea for @jonesinforjason: a neck tattoo of the face I make while flossing my teeth/putting on mascara. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
When you have three children and you go out for breakfast with only TWO of them, it feels like you are on a relaxing Caribbean vacation. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
"It was boring. I was snoring": a 5 year old's critique of my life's work. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
What should I get @jonesinforjason for his 40th? A new necktie, or a video of my hometown mayor smoking crack? #robford — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@mattywatts I DON'T KNOW HOW — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Standing in front of a mirror practicing my new smile/scowl. Thinking of calling it "The Smowl." — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
News for Goofs. An audio recording of me doing fake news at the tender age of 6. Awwwww!!! #throwbackthursday http://t.co/PWbFhPhgIe — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
“@GroovyBruce: “@iamsambee: Early morning jazz hands.” http://t.co/vpBKYJzKsM” The resemblance is uncanny. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Early morning jazz hands. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@bakkedahl You are KILLING it on @VeepHBO I am watching you RIGHT NOW. Also, hi! — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@Mark_DMcKinney Oui. Le sigh. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@pulmyears I miss our socialist snacks. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@Mark_DMcKinney extra fromage (grosse) — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @ChrisRRegan: Al Pacino as Phil Spector is a reminder to clean out your dryer lint. http://t.co/azwwJ2mXf6 — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@christaylor_nyc @mileenddeli Please partner up and be my life coaches. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Does anyone have a spare poutine? Can you FedEx it to me? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @OphiraE: At the lovely @ParkRoadBooks for my event and so far it's just me and the adorable sales girls. Ego in check. C'mon down Charl… — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I wish my caller id would come up as "unknowable." So much more mysterious and alluring. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @jasonjross: @iamsambee Biscotti: "Thanks for asking, Sam. My long shape and hard consistency make me a 'slam dunk' for dipping in coffe… — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Biscotti, you make me sad. Why can't you be a real cookie? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Also I'm going to start referring to pollen as 'murder dust.' — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Today's aesthetic: Human Fannypack — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@MmeSurly thank you. I am a very responsible employee. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Going to start referring to my apt as "the dojo" and see how long it takes before my co-workers have me arrested. #doj — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I bleed hummus. — PolitiTweet.org
