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Showing page 47 of 75.
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Nude swimming is so refreshing why are all these people at the Motel 6 shouting at me? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I'm so glad I can now get muffins at most drug stores. It's all I ever wanted. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
It's such a beautiful day that I'm inside hiding from my children. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@LeroyBrown81 yes but I'm trying to tune out all the information — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Princesses can do ANYTHING! http://t.co/52utnF3OtL — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@TheCarg @pusscat STOP IT — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I refuse to believe that anybody's knowledge of dinosaurs has advanced since I was in grade school. NO. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@jasonjross I really should have given this more thought — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@mattiojelly I think we're married now — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I'm very old school. I only accept dick pics in the form of needlepoint on a throw pillow. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@itswintermiller are those dishwasher safe? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@TheTweetOfGod Thanks Lord! — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I need Chrissie Hynde to give me a pep talk, STAT. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @JenaFriedman: this guy should get an Emmy for best background actor in a political campaign scandal http://t.co/wOt7Vq7gDm — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Can a person get a uti from listening to Burton Cummings while wearing a wet bathing suit? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@jasonmreich My first customer!! **balloon drop** — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Doing a seminar on how a 'yield' sign is not the same as a 'merge.' I talk for 3 seconds and then konk everybody's heads like coconuts. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
FACT: in Canada, everyone works from a government issued lawn chair in a kiddie pool when the weather gets hot. #jealous — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
My unicorn name is Popsicle Puddle. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
“@mileskahn: Jones will win this battle. @jonesinforjason #Nashville http://t.co/ME5mTkfwZW” Comfort him when the meatmare strikes. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@msjwilly I undid it with the power of my mind. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@thboog @TheDailyShow I think I just decided on a photo for the Christmas card. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @patthornton: James Taylor eating driftwood with a knife and fork #BetterRollingStoneCovers — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
RT @ariscott: Hall & Oates' original name was Hallway & Oatmeal. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Any parent worth their salt will happily chug their children's leftover antibiotics to avoid going to the doctor. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
@theleanover Who Wore It Better? Me or the pile of lumber? — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Today's look: belted tarp. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Tv punditry is the lowest form of performance art. Including the time I watched a woman give birth to a russet potato onstage. — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I'd like to rename Robin Thicke "Dougie." — PolitiTweet.org
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
I wish my neighbors at this cottage would stop launching July 5th fireworks and go for a night swim instead. And get eaten by sharks. — PolitiTweet.org
