@danieltosh Tweets | PolitiTweet

daniel tosh @danieltosh

i'd love to keep catching up with you guys on twitter but my ballerina wife has her 1 year high school reunion tonight. sorry! #tosh — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 28, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

sorry, but keeping children safe was more important. https://t.co/R6vzh6HaMw — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 28, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

i'm a hero sure, but it's up to real people now! https://t.co/Co6bQoO5Nb — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 28, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

you shut it, nerds!!! https://t.co/2mNcivd837 — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 28, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

i'm sorry, i'm just so happy!!!!!! https://t.co/Q3r64JQ7yY — PolitiTweet.org

@danieltosh Why are you yelling at everyone..

Posted June 28, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

say what you will about me, but i have never struggled for ratings! #ccgoldenboy https://t.co/OKUwHLZaq5 — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 28, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

if you like salt and vinegar potato chips you can get out and stay out of my life forever!! #tosh — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 28, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

i will try to save a few roman candles for my finale! https://t.co/MB3PkpdiUi — PolitiTweet.org

JULY 5th! @danieltosh returns to headline our stage! Tix are on sale now and will sell out! Click the link in our b… https://t.co/U42zjJmUwj

Posted June 28, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

if there's no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra's? why???!!!!!!! #tosh — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 28, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

if everyone would just stop paying taxes we could truly drain the swamp. new #tosh in one hour sixteen minutes ...ish — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 28, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

it's fucking gross. you are right! and forgiven. it tastes like burned nuts. https://t.co/bAvhJNQezP — PolitiTweet.org

@danieltosh I hate Nutella. ::exhales::

Posted June 27, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

what a refreshing change from all the pee. https://t.co/vn1lCbURvP — PolitiTweet.org

@danieltosh I masturbated at a water park

Posted June 27, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

very mature of you. https://t.co/EyltuHKpH0 — PolitiTweet.org

@danieltosh I'm not actually a child

Posted June 27, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

i do the same thing with the shower. https://t.co/0VxMhg2Fka — PolitiTweet.org

@danieltosh I turn on the faucet and towel dry my hands but don't actually wash them

Posted June 27, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

do yourself a favor and just watch roadhouse three times. #paindonthurt https://t.co/avvH9xqljF — PolitiTweet.org

@danieltosh I've never watched the god father , roadhouse , dirty dancing , I can go on toshy

Posted June 27, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

you are not alone. it's pretentious elevator music. https://t.co/qTaFk56JW2 — PolitiTweet.org

@danieltosh I hate U2

Posted June 27, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

still have never seen forrest gump but i’ve always acted like i have. confess your sins to me. it’s safer than going to the catholic church. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 27, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

i’ve maxed 14 of my 17 credit cards. #stimulatetheeconomy #newsode #tosh at 10! — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 27, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

“2 drinks max per hour in the 105 degree mexican heat.” thank you bachelor in paradise for finally encouraging responsible drinking! #tosh — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 27, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

the original nba super-team was grandmama, ‘zo and muggsy bogues. end of discussion! — PolitiTweet.org

Posted June 21, 2017 Hibernated

daniel tosh @danieltosh

#1 https://t.co/wllTQ1jep8 — PolitiTweet.org

@danieltosh Your hair and how it magically grew back #tosh