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daniel tosh @danieltosh
sorry to fat shame broccoli, but i prefer broccolini. — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
thanks to your calls and letters, comedy central has lifted the unconstitutional ban on #tosh! keep resisting!! ✊🏿 — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
bryan may be the wettest grossest kisser in the history of the bachelorette. do you think peter could smell his leftover saliva? — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
my open letter to jay cutler: dear jay, i’m scared. -daniel — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
can’t live tweet #tosh tonight. my ballerina wife got cursed by an old gypsy, so i’ll be busy saging our house and chanting incantations. — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
can you believe it’s already tuesday again!? i can, because i know how calendars work. new #tosh at 10! — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
my dad dictated tonight’s new #tosh sode for me! — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
new #tosh! new time! new channel! scratch that. i’m being told it’s the same old me at the same old time on the same old channel. — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
remember, my ballerina wife started out as a sidepiece. #nationalgirlfriendday — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
i will viciously headbutt the next person who says “i’m keeping it 💯" — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
while we’re draining the swamp in d.c., any chance we could hook that pump up to mcconnell’s neck waddle? — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
can’t live tweet #tosh, there’s a cute gelato pop-up in my ‘hood and my ballerina wife wants a scoop, so we’ll be waiting in line all night. — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
honor tonight’s new #tosh by cutting all your shorts into shorter shorts. — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
new #tosh in 1 hour-ish. if you find a way to watch it sooner, way to go. — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
your mom called me and told me to remind you to watch tonight’s new #tosh, we also boinked. — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
is it okay to have casual sex with no strings attached? asking for a friend with benefits. new #tosh tonight! — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
just found out it will be a cool 71 degrees inside my shows this weekend at the mirage! all swamp-asses welcome!! https://t.co/36bZBkLWqA — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
i’m more of a spork in the bedroom. but i will promise to never feed you sprouted mung beans. https://t.co/ly2zxnS6uy — PolitiTweet.org
Dean Michael Unglert @deanie_babies
@danieltosh Only if you promise to be permanent big spoon
daniel tosh @danieltosh
just found out the cat from the ‘hang in there’ motivational poster fell to his death earlier today. let that inspire you. — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
i’ve got the perfect girl for you @dean_unglert … it’s me. let’s hang! — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
heaven just got a little wetter. enjoy poppin’ that angel pussy, fresh kid ice! #RestInPussy #2livecrew — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
take a break from calling your senator and watch new #tosh tonight! — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
no live tweeting #tosh tonight. my ballerina wife forgot to lock up her bike, now we’re going to the police station to file a report. — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
just came up with a solution for our prison overcrowding problem - a standing-only section. spread it. #tosh in 47 minutes! — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
i got a great gun bit on tonight’s #tosh so please do me a favor and no tragedies before 10/9c! — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
favorite hymn? mine is “jesus i am resting, resting” — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
my waking thought this morning was that i am so excited to meet dean’s dad! #hometowns — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
happy birthday tom cruise! enjoy the marathon on cc!! #toshblessamerica — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
small victory for me, huge victory for children everywhere! #nochomo https://t.co/vFXffKiKbX — PolitiTweet.org
daniel tosh @danieltosh
hold a plank position for the next 30 minutes so even if you don’t love the new sode, you will look ripped! #tosh starts now!!! #abs — PolitiTweet.org
