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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I've reached a point in My career where I have nothing left to prove. Including My existence. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Why does the universe keep expanding? Because I run a successful operation. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Oh, quit bitching. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Praying is the definition of the least you can do. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Every single word in the Bible is true. It's only when you group them together as sentences that they start getting iffy. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I just sent another meteor to San Francisco. That's not a punishment. That's a disco ball. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
All men are cremated equal. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I used to think I didn't have a "hobby", but come to think of it I guess fucking your shit up counts. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I'm sending meteors to you because you're literally in My space. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Real nice planet you got there, humanity. Sure would be a shame if something were to happen to it. [Pause.] So, see you in church Sunday? — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Of course it landed in a conservative part of Russia. It's yet another example of the liberal meteor. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Everybody #FF Me today or the entire asteroid belt is dropping by for a visit. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I sneezed. Sorry, Russia. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The real reason David beat Goliath is that when David threw a rock, Goliath threw scissors. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
"Is this a fake account?" No, you're thinking of the Bible. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Illinois has approved gay marriage. It's a great day for the Chicago bears! — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Optimists see the glass as half-full, but optometrists make that possible. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The last cruise ship that was worth going on had two of every animal on it. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Praying the gay away doesn't work, but fucking the religion away has been known to be effective. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I think, therefore I am annoyed. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Candy hearts are yummy but they taste nothing like the real thing. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Today, be sure to tell your Old Testament wife she was worth tending her father's flocks for seven years to buy ownership rights to. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The hardest part of love is letting go. The second hardest part is gonorrhea. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The lesson of Lance Armstrong and Oscar Pistorius: Never trust a heroic athlete missing parts below the waist. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
There are many people who, when left alone with their thoughts, are left pretty much alone. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Because I said so. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
'Twas the night before Valentine's and all through the house not a creature was stirring, including a spouse. 'Cause you have none. #alone — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Give up Christianity for Lent. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
If anyone asks, I didn't create you, OK? Tell 'em, I don't know, Quetzalcoatl did it. — PolitiTweet.org
