God (Not a Parody, Actually God)

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Derrick Rose is greatly overestimating the degree to which I give a crap about his knee. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

How come your lover keeps shouting My name? — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I just really enjoy judging people. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

When I find Myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to Me, speaking words of wisdom: "You quasi-raped me." — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

RT @TweetOfMrsGod: It's been two weeks, honey. I need some TONIGHT. And don't give me that whole "omnimpotence" spiel cuz I ain't buying it. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If you went to the doctor and the doctor said "No more monkeys jumping on the bed!", you have a crazy doctor. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Faith is proof for dummies. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The universe is at 2% and I can't find My charger. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I'm just not that into thee. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

You all try to be "closer to God" but why do you assume I want to be closer to you? There's a reason I live in a gated community. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Live each day like it's your last, i.e. unconscious and tied to a respirator. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

It all makes perfect sense when you don't think about it. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

...and long story short, here you are. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

America's money trusts Me a lot more than I trust it. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Dance like no one's watching. It's much funnier for Me that way. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Thank people it's Monday. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

RT @bmbranam: I got retweeted by God http://t.co/BJtF1B0MPW — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Human beings can go from 0 to 60 in six decades. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

RT @bmbranam: "@TheTweetOfGod: The Walking Dead is Jesus's favorite show." That was literally the least funny thing I've ever read — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The Walking Dead is Jesus's favorite show. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If the day being 23.9344699 hours long isn't proof of intelligent design I don't know what is. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

My Final Four prediction: War, Famine, Conquest and Death. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The only cure for a hangover is time. That's why I created it. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Just want to say I love you guys so much and maybe it's the beer talking but you look really worshipful right now — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

St. Patrick is already totally shit-faced. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Ignorance is bliss, but for the people who deal with the ignorant it's hell. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

'Twas the night before St. Patrick's and all through the house, everything was being vomit-proofed. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Karma is a boomerang, but dogma is a grenade. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

"Pope Says Church Must Help Poor". Great. Then start selling your stuff. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The only obstacle between you and self-esteem is the fact that you're such a loser. — PolitiTweet.org