God (Not a Parody, Actually God)

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

It never ceases to amaze Me how many of you are crazy. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

When people scream and fight and kill in My name I can't help but feel very flattered. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Turn to Me in times of trouble caused by Me. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

For I so loved the world, that I gave My only begotten son, whom you proceeded to crucify, at which point I said "Fuck 'em." (John 3:16). — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

It's Good Friday, Friday, gotta die on Good Friday. Gettin' ready for the Crucifixion. Gotta make my mind up: which cross should I take? — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Listen, I don't normally do this but today is the anniversary of a tough day in My family, so if you could #FF Me I'd really appreciate it. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Jesus died for your sins, so make 'em fun. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Can we please get this to trend?: #atacertainpointhashtagsbecometoolongtofunctionasanythingbutanironiccriticismonthelimitsofmetacommentary — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe; and I see London; and I see France; and lo, I see EVERYBODY'S underpants. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I never send you anything I can't enjoy watching you try to handle. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I'm not revealing the meaning of life until you agree on its definition. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Marriage is a sacred union between a top and a bottom. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

America leads the world in putting cheese on things. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Do not squander your short time on earth acquiring worldly possessions. Instead, try to get laid a lot. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Marriage is a sacred contract, not between a man and a woman, but between any two human beings and a lifetime's worth of buried grievances. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Under no circumstances should "If I die before I wake I pray thee Lord my soul to take" be the last thing a child says before going to bed. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

RT @TweetOfMrsGod: Wow. @Pink is retweeting You now. Sorry my abs aren't as "fierce" as hers. All I'm good for is keeping your home next ... — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

THE NEW 10 PLAGUES 1. Homophobia 2. Bad wi-fi 3. Kardashians 4. Meth 5. Uggs 6. Hipsterism 7. CO2 8. Facebook 9. Indifference 10. Beyoncé — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The reason I didn't mention dinosaurs in the Bible is shut up. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

RT @rickygervais: .@TheTweetOfGod Love your work. Can you send me a sign? (It's not for eBay I promise) RG PS will you ever do another ... — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Worry less about the world ending and more about making it worth saving. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

On Palm Sunday Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey to show he came in peace. And there's been nothing but peace in Jerusalem ever since. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

With some of you it's like I don't even exist. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The most miraculous thing about Jesus was that he was the only white guy within 20 miles. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

"God Is a DJ"? Maybe. But I sure as hell don't take requests. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

With all due respect, North Dakota, you're the last state that should be defining what constitutes "life". — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That's pretty far-fetched. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If you love someone, keep them close. Why would you set them free? That's just dumb. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Atoms are made of protons, neutrons, electrons and (for flavor) croutons. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

RT @SteveStockmanTX: The best thing about the Earth is if you poke holes in it oil and gas come out. — PolitiTweet.org