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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
"Lord, give me strength!" No. Go work out, lazy ass. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The Old Testament is not My story. The New Testament is not My story. The Quran is not My story. THIS is My story: http://t.co/Bra1SXI1wn — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Just because someone looks different than you doesn't mean he's not an asshole. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I wish Twitter would verify Me, but that would involve proving I exist, and that's never been My strong suit. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
They say patience is a virtue. They also say he who hesitates is lost. That's because they don't know what the hell they're saying. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Some people are their own worst enemies and others are their own best friends, but most people are their own total strangers. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
For the last time, this is NOT a parody account. I really am God, these really are My tweets, and each word is carefully fucking chosen. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I killed over 2 million people in the Old Testament, back when My job used to be fun. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The United States: "God Bless America". Great Britain: "God Save the Queen". Canada: "God You Must Be Busy, Eh?" — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Hey U.S.: if every now and then I heard a "God PLEASE bless America", maybe you'd have better luck. #manners — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I cannot confirm that Margaret Thatcher is in hell; only that, as in life, all those standing within earshot of her are. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I give up. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
It seems to Me if you're trying to violate the Bible by having premarital sex I'm the last name you want to be shouting during it. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
To clarify Jesus's position when it comes to gay sex: Bottom. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
It's very easy to blame other people for your mistakes, so do that. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The Bible belongs in every hotel room the same way a mini-bar belongs in every church. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
'Tis better to have loved and lost than be eaten alive by bears. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Thou shalt not. Just in general. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Be careful what you wish for because it'll suck when you don't get it. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Has it ever occurred to you that maybe once in a while I'd like YOU to give ME a pony? — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Why don't I just destroy Satan? Because then I'd be stuck with no one to blame. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
My favorite part of the story of Genesis is the way they regrouped after Peter Gabriel left. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Happy birthday to Justin Bieber's mother, whom I impregnated. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Retweet this and you'll never be sad again. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
If mankind has learned one thing from human history, I'd be stunned. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
April Fool's! I don't even HAVE a son! — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The lesson of Easter is it's good to have a Dad who can pull some strings. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The Easter Bunny is a silly, illogical and stupid way to celebrate the resurrection of God's son. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I am so grateful to @rickygervais for all he's done to spread My word that I'm going to send him cookies every week in hell. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Happy Easter, from My family to yours. — PolitiTweet.org
