Deleted tweet detection is currently running at reduced
capacity due to changes to the Twitter API. Some tweets that have been
deleted by the tweet author may not be labeled as deleted in the PolitiTweet
interface.
Showing page 214 of 227.
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
For Mother's Day, Jesus said he wants to get Mary something she's never gotten before. I said, "How about laid?" — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
"In the beginning" is a mistranslation of "Once upon a time". — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
If you don't stop fighting down there I'm turning this planet around. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Worst. Universe. Ever. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
"Your" = belonging to you. "You're" = you are. Example: "YOUR inability to distinguish between these words means YOU'RE coming off stupid." — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find one you want to fuck. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Practice what you preach. Better yet, don't preach. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Oh Nancy Grace, How shrill the sound That made a wretch like you. Your lack of shame Is world-renowned, You awful, toxic shrew. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
It's just as important to stand up for what you don't believe in. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
One day you'll hear people say about Me, "He was quiet, kept to himself, never talked to us...I'm not surprised He did something like this." — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Next time you're not feeling sorry for yourself, remember: a lot of people have things much better than you. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Life would make a lot more sense if you could hear the laugh track. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Siri doesn't threaten Me. She may know everything I do but she makes the classic rookie god/goddess mistake: she answers you. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Your life isn't really complete until you die. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
In honor of National Masturbation Month, RT this for one (1) complementary sin-free masturbation session courtesy of the Lord and Kleenex®! — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The biggest difference between a gay marriage and a straight one is the pronouns. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Of course Star Wars Day falls in National Masturbation Month. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Free will? Be thankful you sometimes get free Wi-Fi. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
It's too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Ever since Jesus said anybody who believes in him gets to go to heaven this place has been overrun by douchebags. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
When the devil buys your soul he makes you sign a contract because even though he is pure evil he has an unshakable respect for tort law. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
There are many people who need to improve their shutting-up skills. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Looking back, I guess making those other 700,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars was a bit unnecessary. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
"Beatles or Stones?" For listening, Beatles. For killing heretics, Stones. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The definitive answer to the question "Could you create a rock so big even you couldn't lift it?" is: put the bong down and get a job. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Life is like a box of chocolates. It's really bad for you. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
When Adam and Eve ate the apple I remember thinking, "Well, that's a sin, but at least it's original." — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
My son died for your sins, and I'll never forgive you for that. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
You are guaranteed a place in heaven if you a) live a life of total humility free of sin and earthly corruption, or b) follow Me on Twitter. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
People, it's time we had a talk about the birds and the bees. See, you're killing the birds and the bees. — PolitiTweet.org
