God (Not a Parody, Actually God)

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The reason I ask for so much money is I have a child to support. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

In America it's 'humor'. In England it's 'humour'. In Germany it's 'unheard-of'. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Americans consume 80% of the world's painkillers. Amazing, since they suffer only .0008% of the world's pain. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Nadal and Djokovic create more from clay than I did. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The hardest part about being perfect is I have no excuse when I screw things up. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Not feeling too good. May call in nonexistent tomorrow. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Child molestation! THAT was what I meant to outlaw in the Ten Commandments. Oh, and rape. #NowIRemember — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The harder you believe in something, the nothinger of a difference it makes. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Can oral sex cause throat cancer? Possibly. Can the lack of oral sex cause marriage cancer? Definitely. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

In a dictatorship, one man fucks up the country. In a democracy, everyone does it together. #occupygezi — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I support the separation of church and reality. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Turkey's Islamist President says "Whoever drinks alcohol is alcoholic." By that logic whoever holds power is autocratic. #occupygezi — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

People who believe in "traditional marriage" are nostalgic for the days of dowries, aristocratic inbreeding, and war rape. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Everything happens for a reason, and the reason is I don't know what I'm doing. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

One thing makes Christianity superior to Judaism and Islam: grilled cheese with bacon. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If you think about it, the fact that people swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth on the Bible is pretty funny. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Please stay safe, Oklahoma, because evidently I'm angry at you again for absolutely no reason. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

It's not that 10% of you came out wrong, it's that I'm 10% gay. http://t.co/L7COcmMajx — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Retweet this and win eternal life and/or $2 off your next burrito at Chipotle! — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The twist ending to M. Night Shyamalan's career is that it turns out it was dead the whole time. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

My social media consultant says I need to do a better job using hashtags. #FuckThatGuy — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

As of today I'm officially off sneeze duty. You want your mucus blessed, bring it to a priest. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If you're a straight married person who thinks same-sex marriage brings shame on you shame on you. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Hey, you've reached God. I'm not here now, but if you leave your name, number and a brief message, I will never ever ever return your call. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I really appreciate all the hate you spread and killing you do in My name. It's exactly what I want and the best use of your time on Earth. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

You keep praying to Me, and I keep not answering! It's hilarious, really. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

When I work in mysterious ways it's called grace. When you work in mysterious ways it's called grounds for termination. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Your right to be stupid does not change the fact that you're stupid. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I don't wake up thinking "I need to kill 155,000 people today." But then this happens, that happens, yada yada yada, and 155,000 people die. — PolitiTweet.org