God (Not a Parody, Actually God)

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I could totally beat Superman in a fight. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Today is Flag Day, America, so be sure to take a moment to thank the Chinese for making all your flags. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Priests should not have to live in a state of forced celibacy, but be free to marry and let celibacy slowly descend upon them the usual way. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Facts are what beliefs want to be when they grow up. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

You are free to criticize athletes. They are free to criticize you too of course, but they don't, because your job is dull and no one cares. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

"Despicable Me 2" was My original title for the New Testament. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

What's it going to take to get you to buy My book http://t.co/W3sRkyDGaq? A rave from the New York Times? Fine: http://t.co/ET1HTDEJ0w — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Father's Day's coming up. I bet Jesus gets Me cuff links again. #passiveaggressive — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

When bad things happen to you don't take it personally, because I barely know you. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Before you judge someone, stop and think about how fun it's going to be. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Techies: Anyone know how to convert an HTML file to Christianity? I tried baptizing the computer but it only made it worse. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

St. Fu is the patron saint of shutting the fuck up. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I find the vast majority of you profoundly unpleasant. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

John 3:16. Matthew 3:17. Luke 3:18. It was a very close race. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Isn't it far more comforting to believe shit happens for no reason than that shit happens because I'm an angry son of a bitch? — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Artificial intelligence can never replace natural stupidity. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Once you go black hole, you never go back. That is literally true. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Tebow to the Patriots? BRADY: What'd you do last night? TEBOW: Study the Bible. You? BRADY: Bang Gisele Bundchen. [Awkward silence.] — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I'm bigger than the Beatles! — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

People often say things in the heat of anger that in hindsight they regret not accompanying with a punch in the face. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Even on the first day of Creation I remember thinking to Myself, "I hate Mondays". — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The NSA knows more about you than I do. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Time is money. Money talks. So time talks. But talk is cheap. So time is cheap. But time is money. So money is cheap. Which it's not. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Lying makes Jesus cry. Stealing makes Jesus cry. Jaywalking makes Jesus cry. A real pussy, that kid. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

There is a book with stories about incest, genocide, rape and crucifixion in almost every hotel room in the world. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Every time you sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" I'm reminded how much I disapprove of My son's friends. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I need to be told how great I am at least once a week by everybody because while I am perfect I am also very emotionally needy. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I watch sporting events and decide their outcome because that is a very important priority for Me. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

You're welcome, Chicago. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I designed the sun to be 100% solar-powered. #green — PolitiTweet.org