God (Not a Parody, Actually God)

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Don't despair. It's always been this bad. You've just gotten better at noticing it. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The first rule of parenting is: never negotiate with terrorists. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, fuck you. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Agnostics have commitment issues. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I want 5,000 retweets by noon tomorrow or your moon gets whacked. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If there were ever a religion based on the teachings of Jesus it might be pretty good. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The present is where the past and the future meet to exchange hostages. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

"Shit's about to get real." - My last words before Creation. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

"Check out this next verse, yo. Y'all motherfuckers gonna be quotin' this shit." - John 3:15. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

1. The truth will set you free. 2. The truth hurts. 3. Being set free hurts. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

It's too bad the meaning of life is 141 characters. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Happy 70th birthday to Mick Jagger, with scorn from God but sympathy from the devil. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Social media is a great way to avoid being social or viewing media. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Thou shalt not retweet this. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Thou shalt retweet this. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Attention Seattle: @TheTweetOfGod has written a musical, and it's coming to a theater near you! (I.e., Issaquah!) http://t.co/kCwDqKxwCD — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Don't waste time worrying about what other people think. Because deep down you already know what they think. They think you suck. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

My philosophy is, always leave 'em wanting more. Money, food, time on earth, whatever. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The circumstances under which you should send a photo of your penis to other people are as follows: never. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The reason I don't respond to your tweets is the same reason I don't respond to your prayers: I infinitely don't care. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

You can swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but don't ask Me to help. I've got shit to do. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Modern journalism is 90% reporting what people are saying on Twitter. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Does anyone know where I can find a live blog for the imminent birth of one of the 15,000 children born today who will die of starvation? — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I had a #RoyalBaby once. Much more low-key. No reporters. No hospital. No sex. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Listening = hearing + giving a crap. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

You can't believe everything you read. But many people don't even read what they believe. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are. You are irrational. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Once upon a time, God launched a Twitter account to promote a book. This is that book. http://t.co/W3sRkyDGaq http://t.co/N2mZLTfYKV — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If you follow Me you can skip church. If you retweet this you can stand outside church and taunt. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Comic-Con is the biggest assemblage of celibate, hero-worshipping sci-fi-lovers since the Last Supper. — PolitiTweet.org