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Showing page 201 of 227.
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
"It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!" Whatever. The point is, it was two people with contemporary American names. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I conceived life as something to keep people busy while they converted food into shit. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I already know what you want. So why do I make you pray? Because I want to hear you say it, bitches. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Australia, this is exactly why I put you where I don't have to look at you. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Peyton Manning is much better at his job than I am at Mine. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
The problem was you were simply not ready for some football. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Thou shalt be ready for some football. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
When something bad happens to you, don't ask "Why me, Lord?", because it makes Me look bad in front of the angels. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Sitting here re-reading the Bible. Man, I was crazy then. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
It's never too late to give up. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
"If you created the Earth in six days why are some fossils over 500 million years old?" Because shut up. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
I never said I didn't make mistakes. I said they were your fault. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Hard to believe it was exactly 5,774 years ago today that I created the Earth. Yep. Really hard to believe. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
If it's any consolation sometimes I pray to Myself and I STILL don't listen. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Ah, humanity. I give you rainbows, but you prefer Fifty Shades of Grey. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
"'Football'? In my country we call it 'soccer'!" Yes, and in your country you call a six-piece KFC extra-crispy bucket 'breakfast'. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Ah, football. The beautiful game. The beautiful, corrupt, racist, anger-fueling, alcoholism-spreading, hooligan-spawning game. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Quit staring at the world. There's a whole universe in your phone that's just waiting for you to discover. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
So many Jehovah's Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah's Evidence. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
People who don't take medicine because they think I'll protect them from disease are over three hundred different kinds of stupid. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Why don't the people who cite Bible verses ever cite Genesis 19:30-38, where Lot's daughters get him drunk and fuck him? #StillRelevant — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
It's funny how many streets are named for the kind of trees chopped down to pave them. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Fear not, My beloved Tebow. I never close a door without opening an analyst gig on Fox Sports. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
RT this or the terrorists win. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Don't think summer ends this weekend. The truth is that thanks to you, summer won't be ending for a long, long time. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Increased U.S. involvement in the Middle East is always a good idea. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Though I do not answer your tweets, know that I read them all, and that their kind words make Me wish I did not have to eventually kill you. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Sometimes Jesus appears on toast, sometimes pancakes, sometimes waffles. Always on breakfast food. Why? It's the most important meal. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
Life is funny: one day you're a nobody, the next you still are. — PolitiTweet.org
God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod
When tens of thousands of refugees from your country are fleeing TO Iraq, your country is in a bad way. — PolitiTweet.org
