God (Not a Parody, Actually God)

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If I could write the Bible again I'd put in more vampires because people seem to love 'em. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Suggestion, America: quit it with the mass shootings, maybe? Just a thought. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

ATTENTION: I am ordering a recall on all 7 billion human beings due to profound physical and moral defects. Please stop using yourselves. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Full episodes of #NoYouShutUp are now available! @PFTompkins, @TheTweetOfGod + the Henson puppets. It's very funny. http://t.co/9Wq7Q2BVr4 — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Being wrong louder doesn't work. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Congratulations to Abdel-Fattah el-Sissi, who won Egypt's election with 96.9% of the vote! Those are Kim Jong-Il levels of democracy! — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Seriously Australia, it's decisions like electing @TonyAbbottMHR PM that make Me glad I made your continent so far away from everyone else. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I don’t believe in atheists. :P — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Never doubt that a large mass of selfish, fossil-fuel-addicted citizens can change the world. One degree at a time. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Stanley Cup Playoff Game 7 OT hockey is why I created time. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

.@PFTompkins, Henson puppets, screaming and cursing, all on a show created by Me. It's "No, You Shut Up"! http://t.co/LDHqQ3SeiT — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, fuck you asshole. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Retweet this and you will win the lottery. I guarantee it. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Thou shalt buy My book. It’s the new Gospel, it’s available on Kindle, and it's reasonably shekeled, http://t.co/c5ztzgvolb — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I love My followers in India because to make things easier they outsource My job to hundreds of other gods. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The #Clippers are being purchased by the ex-head of Microsoft, so count on next year’s team being slow, error-prone and full of viruses. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

You're welcome, #Blackhawks fans. But don't even think about asking as to help the Cubs. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

You have to admit I still make a hell of a lot more sense than Scientology. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

#YesAllWomen are treated like property in the Bible... but extremely valuable property! Like, worth as much as dozens of cows! #feminist — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

It's disheartening how stupid many of you are. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The kind of people who associate themselves with Me tend to be the kind of people with whom I’d rather not associate. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The fact that the new 9/11 Museum sells tacky merchandise is triumphant proof that the terrorists failed to change the American way of life. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Don't even think about retweeting this or it's straight to hell for you, and I'll make it extra hot. And not dry heat, either. Real humid. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I'm sorry if I come across as homophobic in the Bible. I was still working through some issues about My feelings towards Zeus. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The human race is why Earth can't have nice things. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Yes, you were all made in My image, but some of you came out very lo-res. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The Bible only says masturbation is a sin in two places, and those pages are stuck together anyway. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

OK, #Arsenal? OK? Now leave Me alone. #FACupFinal — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Honestly I've never heard so many prayers from @Arsenal fans in My life, and that's saying something, because they are a needy, needy bunch. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Just saw "Godzilla" and it's given Me all kinds of exciting ideas. — PolitiTweet.org