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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Remember good news? Man, that takes Me back. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 14, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

RT @NoYouShutUp: Watch every episode of No You Shut Up! Every single one. http://t.co/d50Y8SxyxX — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 13, 2014 Retweet
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

It's always the small minority of people who are total assholes that ruin it for the vast majority of people who are only partial assholes. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 13, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The more I read about Robin Williams, the angrier at Me I get. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 13, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The rise and fall of My son Justin Bieber, told in Biblical style. it's "The Book of Bieb". http://t.co/1zGZimj3kI — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 12, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Here's a fitting and inspiring remembrance from @PFTompkins. http://t.co/WwZVOnV5zt — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 12, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I giveth and I taketh away and it suckeths. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 12, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I really don't make it easy to believe in Me. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 12, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I am unfair and cruel and random and mean and I take the very best. #RIPRobinWilliams — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 11, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

It's "What to Expect When You're Expected: A Fetus's Guide to the First Three Trimesters!" On sale now! http://t.co/MPkhPxL6yx — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 11, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Congratulations to Smriti Irani on graduating from Yale in the exact same amount of time it took Me to create the world. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 11, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The Teen Choice Awards are an annual reminder of why teenagers should never be trusted to make any kind of decision whatsoever. #TCAs2014 — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 11, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Anyone who wants to contact Me must go through My lowly, sniveling secretary @davidjaverbaum, 'cause as you well know, I won't answer you. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 10, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The reason I don’t approve of masturbation is that the one time I did it, it led to all of you. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 9, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If it’s any consolation, the nine quintillion other universes I oversee are all going to shit too. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 8, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

#FeministsAreUgly is trending. Why? Because #MenAreAssholes. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 8, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

"I am the way and the truth and the life and the muthafuckin' shizznit." (Snoop 4:20). — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 7, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Texas Republicans are arguing that marriage equality could lead to incest. You know what DEFINITELY leads to incest? Creating Adam and Eve. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 6, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Food and clean water are so awesome I sometimes think everybody should have them. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 6, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Seriously, how awesome are boobs? Give it up for Me on that one. Even gay guys have to admit they're pretty awesome. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 5, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

"Why did you give women periods?" Because I didn't think men could handle them. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 4, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

When AIDS first broke out people said I was punishing gays. By that logic, I’m using Ebola to punish poor Africans and rescue workers. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 4, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Mo' money, mo' problems. No money, many, many mo' problems. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 4, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If you're happy and you know it, don't read the newspaper. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 4, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

In an ideal world the unit of time used to measure the length of a ceasefire would not be hours. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 4, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

"...she lusted after her lovers whose genitals were as those of donkeys and whose emission was as that of horses." Ezekiel 23:20. Seriously. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 3, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

NOT-TO-DO LIST End hunger Stop war Cure sick children Make life fair Prove own existence Usher in new era of brotherhood Stop Sarah Palin — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 3, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

People ask Me what I think about the discovery of the God particle. I answered that question in an essay 2 years ago. http://t.co/j7yO2Yzsrs — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 3, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I prefer My Twitter followers to My real followers because in general they tend to kill less. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 2, 2014
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God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Attention world: #facebookdown. Please remain calm and do not attempt to interact with human beings. — PolitiTweet.org

Posted Aug. 1, 2014