God (Not a Parody, Actually God)

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

2015 really is going to be the year I fucking kill you all. Sigh... I say that every year. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Could you try to make 2015 less terrible? Please? Maybe scale back the hatred, self-sabotage and rolling cavalcade of ignorance? Kthxbye. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

¡ɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀ ɹɐǝ⅄ ʍǝN ʎddɐH — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

NEW YEAR'S LOGIC 1. The planet is passing through an arbitrary spot on its unceasing orbit around the sun. 2. Time to lay off chocolate. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

SPOILERS The world won't end Life has no meaning Things never get better or worse I'm a tall Japanese woman There's no heaven, only hell — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

2015 RESOLUTIONS Cause less hatred Kill fewer children Heal the sick Mend the broken-hearted Unite the human race Make pigs fly — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Shit. I forgot Jesus's birthday, didn't I. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The Virgin Birth story has just been My way of putting off having "The Talk" with Jesus for 2,000 years. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Jesus was born today. And if you believe that, you were born yesterday. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose. Other symptoms of his alcoholism included violent rampages and chronic nausea. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Only 367 days till Christmas! — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I hate people who only jingle halfway. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Happy winter solstice, the annual symbolic rebirth of the sun whose timing has nothing whatsoever to do with Christmas. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Instead of focusing on your differences, think about the things all people have in common. Like the tendency to focus on their differences. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The admin password for the universe is 'password'. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

It’s a sad day when the North Korean government can keep a Japanese corporation from making money off the American people. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Who'd win a fight between ISIS and the Taliban? Everyone else in the world. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

OFFICIAL POLICY STATEMENT FROM THE LORD THY GOD KING OF THE UNIVERSE REGARDING THE KILLING OF CHILDREN IN MY NAME Don't. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If mankind doesn't grow up, children will continue not to. #PeshawarAttack — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Always be yourself, unless your self is a jerk. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

There are no verses in the Quran about Me wanting anyone to hold hostages in a chocolate shop in Sydney, you terrorist fucks. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

I've said it before and I'll say it again: the Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

"She seems to have an invisible touch." (Genesis 19:86). — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

The reason I don't let alien races visit you is you're the black sheep of the galaxy. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Never forget that you are profoundly unimportant. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

Most of the punishments in hell are fire-related but man, do I have some fun water-based activities planned for Dick Cheney. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If you believe in something hard enough, nothing happens. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

"Kim Kardashian: My Pregnancy Weight Was a Punishment from God." No, Kim. Your existence is. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

"Convicted Child Sex Offender Wins $3 Million Florida Lottery". But I totally exist, I swear. — PolitiTweet.org

God (Not a Parody, Actually God) @TheTweetOfGod

If Dick Cheney hates the #TortureReport so much, why did I just catch him masturbating to it? — PolitiTweet.org