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Showing page 204 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The cholera outbreak in Haiti could be contained with simple soap. So go to www.cleantheworld.org and give anything you can. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'd like to visit Siberia sometime. It would be fun to see where my white tigers came from. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Hey seniors! The Martian year is twice as long as ours -- think of all those extra mornings to wake up at five! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Thanks to the new alcoholic energy drinks, instead of the walk of shame, you can do the sprint of shame. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
At a royal wedding, is it gauche to wear a longer train than the bride? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Nation, if you see only one movie this year, then you should probably get out more. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
So what if the new TSA scanners are invasive and unhealthy? That's no different than the Thanksgiving dinners people are flying to. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The technology to see through people's clothing has been around for decades - as long as you had 12 cereal box tops and $6.95 shipping. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I hope people start using the phrase “Man, you owned it like a Formidable Opponent” so I can sue them. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tweet don't fail me now! Twitters never win! Oh no, I can't control my Shalit hands. Make it stop! Or should I say, Control Alt De-tweet! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Every morning when I wake up I wonder to myself, “Is today going to be the day that Lou Bega drops Mambo No. 6?” — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Times are so tough that IHOP is now I-OP. The house part was foreclosed on. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
On Veterans Day, show new vets you've got their backs. Join @IAVA's online march now: http://ow.ly/33gNF. (I believe it goes thru Farmville) — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, and disrupt normal neural functions like an Australian funnel-web spider. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If you think china's crab vending machine is weird, you should see their cocktail sauce drinking fountain. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Fact: Bush's books is printed on 94% post-consumer cleared brush. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
New bandages change color if your wound is infected. Great, now the mystery's gone! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If the cold weather is getting you down, just change the month on your watch to June and go for a jog on the beach! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I dreamt that I sang "Dream" with Elvis Costello. Wait, I did that? Then am I dreaming now? I really need to stop watching "Inception." — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Elvis Costello might really make a name for himself if he looked into LASIK and lost those glasses. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
(This message is being tweeted over a frequency that only dogs can hear) — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I think this election will go down in history. Unlike previous elections, which you can't find any information about. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Kenny Loggins never explored the real issue: Why did any town zone for danger in the first place, let alone build a highway to it? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My condolences to the supporters of California 's Prop 19. If only you had a way to soothe your sorrows. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
We won't know who won the Alaska senate race for two weeks, but I'll make a bold prediction. The winner's last name will start with 'M' — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
GOP controls the house! which means they get to set the policy agenda and the capitol thermostat. if dems don't like 68° they can suck it! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
As an objective election analyst, I am completely unbiased when I say: WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Early election results: America is crushing every other country in number of midterm votes. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts, then this sentence wouldn't make any sense. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Don't forget to vote tomorrow. Remember, you make all the difference -- when it comes to how long people have to stand in line. — PolitiTweet.org
