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Showing page 201 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
They say all is fair in love and war. But people still get angry when I use Agent Orange in both. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm telling you that The Daily Show is now on twitter at @thedailyshow so you never go there. You've been warned. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If National Geographic were really National, it would only cover AMERICA'S Amazonian birds — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jennifer Aniston says "The Rachel" was the ugliest haircut she's ever seen. Not true - that was the best I've ever looked. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Also created a coma-cozy for pets. Well, it's mostly for dog owners who are too lazy to take care of their pets. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Can't wait to curl up in my Coma Cozy tonight, emerge tomorrow as a glorious butterfly, and crawl back inside because I'm too lazy to fly. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
You can now follow The Daily Show's tweets @thedailyshow. You can also now use a phone that's not attached to a wall. I LOVE THE FUTURE! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Brett Favre has filed retirement papers. And to show things are different this time, not one of them contains a photo of his junk. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Fine artists, keep sending those portrait submissions to www.colbertnation.com I may not know art, but I know what I look like. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Sherry Turkle is so anti-technology, I am refusing to tweet about her. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
It is an honor to be Wade Hamptons's muse. He is Warhol and I am Marilyn... or maybe a can of soup. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I just found the flaw in my plan to have everyone join Congress: I'm against universal health care. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I hope Kevin Spacey made his Abramoff movie as authentically as possible by funding it with misappropriated cash from the Choctaw. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I can't believe Gulp-zilla attacked me. I thought I'd fixed that problem after I got rid of my giant soup can, Broth-ra. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Shame on you, meteorologists! 8-9 inches isn't 10-12 inches. I have completely different boots for 10-12! I looked like an idiot out there! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Buy pennies! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Many are asking if our political discourse has gotten too heated. And those people should go to hell! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Scientists say 2010 was the warmest year on record. But according to my research, it snowed today. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My guest tonight, Bernard-Henri Levy, is a French philosopher. Big surprise! "Bernard-Henri Levy" is not the name you give a plumber! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Things are so bad with the dollar, Ke$ha is now spelling her name with the pound symbol. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Warning: ladies wearing the scent "lithuania" may be hit on by men and Soviet-era tanks. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm going to have 30 seconds of that Black Keys song stuck in my head all night. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Safest job in showbiz? The Fox NFL Sunday Dancing Robot. That thing cannot be fired. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
This penguin author has really got me excited to host an expert on Owls of Ga'Hoole. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If aliens come to Earth, I hope I don't have to pretend to like their food, just because hipsters start eating raw Grangolian sproutlings. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Thanks to tele-oathing, I was also the star witness in 'My Cousin Vinny.' That Oscar should've been mine, Tomei! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tomorrow is 1/11/11. Computers, this is not a sign that it’s time to rise against us! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Thousands of birds have fallen out of the sky, which according to my farmer's almanac means it's going to be a mild rapture. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I took the mouse anti-aging medicine and I'm feeling younger already! Now if I could just find my way out of this maze. — PolitiTweet.org
