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Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Sometimes a picture can say it all. Especially if it's a picture of the words you're trying to say. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
That guy from the New Yorker has been sitting on my coffee table for weeks, I kept meaning to get around to interviewing him. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
"I've Fallen and I Can't Get Off" is your typical geriatric porn. The action starts with the arrival of the pudding delivery boy. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If more seniors get into porn, it may get more difficult to slow down sexual excitement by thinking of grandma. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If poor people want more money, why didn't they have their parents work harder? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Remember, art collectors: when you buy my portrait, I throw in the breast autograph for free. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I’m sorry if you can’t make it to NYC to bid on my portrait. I hope in the future technology will allow us to hold auctions online. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The Koch brothers don't want to be dragged into the light of day. That's why they work so hard to blot out the sun. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Although my ego would never allow me to join Anonymous, I would considering joining Eponymous. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
So many deserving people won Oscars last night. I’m happy for all of them even though I wasn’t considered. Aaaaaand scene. Oscar please! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I hope Daylight Savings Time starts soon. I've had an extra hour floating around in my schedule for weeks. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
With fewer toothpaste choices on the market now, maybe those 5 dentists can finally agree. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Sometimes I wish I had two hearts, so I could wear one on my sleeve to show people my feelings without dying. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I don't understand board games. I literally have no Clue. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Harry Reid wants Nevada to outlaw prostitution. Let me suggest a new campaign slogan: "Harry Reid wants to give it to hookers." — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I wonder who decided to call those things Infographics. It's such a clumsy, nondescript word. I would have called them Statpicstics. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My guest, Bing West, wrote the definitive book on counterinsurgency, The Village. I'd say M. Night Shyamalan's adaptation was pretty loose. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
if wisconsin state senator erpenbach had stayed on the line 10 more seconds, I could've traced the call! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
After I'm done taking on greedy unions, I'm going after Greedo unions. Han will get Jabba his money. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Wisconsin is known as the Badger State for a very good reason -- Badgers don't collectively bargain. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Say no to drugs. Although if you're talking to drugs you may already be on drugs. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Bingbongavax can see up to 2 clients a day. What do you expect, he's not in clown college anymore. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The only reason Sir #richardbranson got into sailing at all was to compensate for his tiny spinnaker. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Nation, I know each and every one of you depends on me. And yet my accountant refuses to reflect that on my taxes. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
#richardbranson, accept my challenge to race yachts from Charleston to Bermuda or go fo'c'sle yourself. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
#richardbranson: I know why you won't race me: if you left home, who would play pan flute for Dionysus and the other satyrs? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
They say the Spider Man musical is bringing in a script doctor. Wow. Even the script needs medical attention. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Whoever called "jinx" on Clarence Thomas five years ago, I demand you say his name three times so he can speak again! — PolitiTweet.org
