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Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jon Kyl holds the Guinness World Record for "Largest Collection of Penis Enlargers." #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Carly Simon wrote that song about Jon Kyl. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jon Kyl has a $1000-a-day Lik-M-Aid habit. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jon Kyl calls all Asians "Neil" no matter what their name is. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jon Kyl's knees bend both ways. He's part racehorse. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jon Kyl assassinated Archduke Ferdinand. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
On weekends, Jon Kyl shoots manatees with paintball guns. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Legally, Jon Kyl cannot be within 100 yards of Helen Mirren. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jon Kyl was the CEO of Enron when they took all those people's pension money. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
All this Choxygen is making me thirsty. Better crack open a cold Coca-Colair. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jon Kyl is one of Gaddafi's sexy female ninja guards. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
During the shutdown, I was going to turn my studio into a National Park. I gotta remember to let that bobcat out of my bathroom. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
As a serious newsman, I’m not sure why I’m on the #comedyawards tonight at 9/8c on @comedycentral. Perhaps I’ll watch to find out. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Even after all those etiquette lessons, I’m still not sure which fork to throw at my butler when his thumb touches my plate. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Last summer the U.S. had ITS royal wedding -- the marriage of Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz. The House of Beatz shall have an heir! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
When life gives you lemons, go ahead and whip them right back at life. I mean, come on. Enough with the lemons already. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
James Franco is so prolific, he's guest-writing this tweet. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Glenn the Republican youth asked me for some Prilosec. I guess that's what the kids are into now. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Last night I took this photo with my iPad2. Not sure why they don't all come pre-loaded with it. http://yfrog.com/h0omq5j — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If you continue to smell Stephen Colbert's Inescapables five hours after exposure, congratulations! It's working. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Monkey see, monkey do. Last year I let a capuchin watch me do my taxes, so this year I should be all set. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Join the revolution at http://colbertpac.com. Contents of revolution pending consultation with my legal team. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The escaped zoo cobra saga may be over, but its lessons in hysterical media attention will live on forever. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Let's make a better tomorrow, tomorrow: join http://colbertpac.com! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Looks like I'll be singing on Jimmy Fallon's show this Friday. I know! I'm as surprised as you are that people do shows on Fridays. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Does starting a PAC make me a PAC man? If so, look out Blinky!!!! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The USA Today says that half of men don't go to the doctor. I bet it's the bottom half--that prostate exam is awful. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
In sports news today, I continue to not follow sports. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Still religion-hopping. Is there one that gives you super strength and minimizes bunions? — PolitiTweet.org
