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Showing page 193 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
At the Royal Wedding. Crap, I'm wearing the same thing as Camilla. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Suggestion for a new terror alert level: "It's coming from inside the house!" — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Maybe I haven't gotten a royal wedding invitation because they want me to be IN the wedding. Good thing I brought my banjo. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm tweeting this in England! I typed this whole thing on the left side of the screen. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2’s trailer just dropped! I’d say more, but that title alone takes up 44 characters. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I've got an ace in the hole. I just can't figure out how to get it out. Does anyone have really tiny fingers? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
When Ice-T drinks a lemonade, I believe he becomes R-nold Palm-R. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
IceT sang "cop killer" & now plays a TV cop. wonder if he'd written a song called "squirrel killer" if he'd now be playing a TV squirrel. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
That birth certificate is a total fake! How could the paper be green? I'm pretty sure everything was in black & white back then. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Early to bed and early to rise makes a man miss my show. Put on a pot of coffee and suck it up, lazybones! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Women have surpassed men in number of advanced degrees. But I've still got my PhD in opening jars. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Book Idea: Black Eyed Philoso-pea. "I will.I.think, therefore I will.i.am." Who's in? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Just found out how much wood a woodchuck would chuck: Two pounds. Consider it settled. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Coffee prices have hit a 34-year high. This morning when I got my venti latte, I had to apply for a grande mortgage-cinno. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Sony admits hackers stole information from people's PlayStations. I hope it wasn't my avatar. It took hours to get the eyebrows right. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Gretchen Carlson is pro-pepper spray. Sometimes it's the only way to keep Doocy off the couch. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Did you know Garfield also hates Tuesdays? It just gets less press. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If anyone in President Donald Trump's cabinet isn't pulling their weight, he won't hesitate to say, "You are the weakest link, goodbye!" — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
When you hit the Catholicism as hard I did this weekend, you show up to work on Monday totally chaste-ed. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My favorite days of the Easter Week? Good Friday and Taco Tuesday! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Easter egg hiding tip: most kids aren't allowed on the roof ;) — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If I ate a 25 ft long, 1 in. wide cheese log, how long would it take to fill up my entire small intestine? The world may soon know. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Barry Bonds has been convicted of obstruction of justice. I believe his head got in the way. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
This tweet is full of product placement. In that I spilled Smucker's Strawberry Jelly on my keyboard. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I still can't even look at Morgan Spurlock without craving 30 Big Macs. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Careful, ladies -- if you worry to much about your armpit beauty, you'll get unsightly frown lines. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Katie Couric's book THE BEST ADVICE I EVER GOT must be good. I'm on page 225. #bestadvice http://facebook.com/KatieCouric — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jon Kyl thinks no one can see him when he puts a paper bag on his head. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jon Kyl was named after the Quebec town, Jonquière, which is fitting because he ate all of its residents.#NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jon Kyl bought a SodaStream so he could drink *carbonated* tears of the poor. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement — PolitiTweet.org
