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Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I cannot say with certitude that this is not part of my body. http://tinyurl.com/3mejspv #ivebeenhacked — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I cannot say with certitude that this is not part of my body. http://yfrog.com/h49aw2j #ivebeenhacked — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Martin Aircraft Co. is planning to sell a jetpack to the public for $100K. Pressure's on, whatever company is working on meals in pill form! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
It doesn't always pay to get up early. If you're a worm, you just get eaten by that early bird. So sleep in, worms. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If a witness doesn't want to answer truthfully, I say he should have the option to take the dare instead. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My boat came in 2nd in the yacht race. Maybe I shouldn't have been wakeboarding off the back. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The most harrowing part of my week at sea? I wasn't allowed to bring my Margarator. I had to mix in the triple sec by hand! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Follow me on my yacht race, which starts now. But if I find any pirate treasure, it's all mine. http://bit.ly/midsHY — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Post-rapture, my clone Beevin Molebert will host my show. Beevin won't be raptured--his very existence is a crime against God. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The end of the world is tomorrow, so I'm gonna live out loud tonight. Caution be damned: pancakes for dinner! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
On the off chance the world doesn't end on Saturday, could somebody feed Gipper for the next week? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Be sure to follow me on my yacht race. I already know all the sailing lingo, like "Starboard" and "Popeye." http://bit.ly/midsHY — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Aaron Schock's abs are Congress's REAL gang of six. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
And, as in uffish thought he stood, Newt Gingriwock, with eyes of flame, came whiffling through the tulgey wood, and burbled as he came! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A mysterious bat-killing fungus is spreading across the US and Canada. I'm sorry, but this time you've gone too far, Joker! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If April showers bring May flowers, do October blizzards bring November gizzards? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
We need guns in stadiums. Sometimes they're the only way to convince a persistent mascot that you don't want to do the chicken dance. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm in the book "Know the Past, Find the Future." Free copies to be distributed around NYC tomorrow AM. I better get a 10% cut of that free! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Evansville Indiana is America's obesity capital. But not for long -- the losing cities are drowning their sorrows in chili fries. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Big news about Arnold Schwarzenegger! I finally spelled his name correctly on the first try today! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If we change the meaning of waterboarding to "pouring PUPPIES over a captive's face," then history will look back on all of this and smile. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I know what you're thinking: headlining with the oldest panda dying was a blatant ratings grab. But you can't blame me - it's Sweeps Week! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The space shuttle endeavor is on its final journey. The mission: run the odometer backwards and jack up the resale value. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Alison Klayman's documentary about detained artist Ai Wei Wei has been praised by some Chinese critics as "redacted." — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Only 57 days until I get an answer on my SuperPac. Mind-numbing bureaucracy has never been this exciting. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Awesome turnout at the FEC! Who knew you guys were so int paperwork! Next, I'll invite u to watch me sign up for a gym membership. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm really going to miss Donald Trump's candidacy. I wonder if we'll ever hear from that guy again? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The last known Galapagos tortoise is seeking a mate. You're in luck, Mitch McConnell. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
On my way to the FEC! Should be there in 10 min. Are you ready for some paperwork?!?! #illbethere — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Join me at the FEC today at 4. Then we'll cross the street to Hard Rock Cafe and get totally PACfaced. #illbethere http://bit.ly/PACattack — PolitiTweet.org
