Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Hear me speak at the FEC today at ~11am, where you'll learn that PAC also stands for Plastic And/or Cash. Http://bit.ly/PACattac — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

I'll be @ FEC in DC @ 10am and speaking at 11ish. During the hour in between I'll be giving commissioners backrubs. Http://bit.ly/PACattack — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Join me at the FEC in DC 6/30 @ 10am. It's BYOB, Bring Your Own Billions--to give to my PAC. Http://bit.ly/PACattack — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Wamt to twert, but keypoard too far awoy? Reacher-grabber allso dobles as reacher-typer! — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

I do "Hometown Herotown" b/c I like 2 celebrate the forgotten places that make the U.S. Great, like What's-It-Ville or that other one. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

How could Texas ban fireworks? There is nothing more American than a Roman candle. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

If love conquers all, why the hell isn't the Pentagon developing an ICBM filled with lithe young romantics and Luther Vandross albums? — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Of COURSE monkeys are susceptible to advertising. Why do you think Dr. Zaius wore Dockers? Yeah, he did. Go watch the movies again. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

I’m proud to say female interns at The Report make 100% of what our male interns make. Actually let’s say 200%. That’s still zero, right? — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Ted Nugent's Washington Times editorial was great, but I still prefer Steppenwolf's weekly bridge column. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

OMG. Nuge Op-Ed is great! LOL. You suck! #dowhattednugenttellsyoutodo — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Finally, I don't have to tell the cashier I'm buying 500 lady's scented-handle razors "for my wife" anymore. Buy with pride, Colbert! — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Hey, I’m at Gaillard Auditorium on Friday, July 1st to benefit MUSC! http://t.co/8d3pMI4 — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

To donate to Friends of the High Line go to http://t.co/dcr8NlL — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Jack White and I will be @ The Lot at the High Line, W. 30th St & 10th Ave in NYC. Will you? (Doors open at 11am. First come, first serve.) — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Did you hear my song, Charlene? I'm no longer right behind you. So you don't even have to check anymore. Just keep ironing. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Please DO NOT see me & Jack White 6/24 @ The Lot at the High Line, W. 30th St & 10th Ave in NYC. Doors open at 11am. First come,first serve. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

It was great working with the Black Belles. Though I don't see color, so I just call them The Belles. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Jack White, you've awoken my inner rock phoenix. I promise you I will flame out in glory only to be reborn from the ashes of a Kidz Bop CD. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Jack White really helped me become a better musician. Before tonight, I was ripping off the knob THEN cranking it up. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Barack Obama silenced a crying baby just by holding it. It's the same technique he uses on Biden. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Newt Gingrich had a second, million-dollar line of credit at Tiffany's. Should've known he'd have another line of credit on the side. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

It's day 3 of my summer concert series. And like any third day of a music festival, I'm unshowered and eating sandwiches out of the trash. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

There's more than one way to skin a cat, but people usually freak out and call the cops before you're done with the first. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

I found a surefire way to break into the music business. All I need is a sporty, scary, and baby version of myself. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Furious about President Obama and Speaker Boehner's golf summit. Everyone knows you need Congressional approval to play past the 15th hole. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Two days until JK Rowling announces her new Harry Potter venture! My guess: a book called "Harry Potter and the Big Bags of Cashzkaban." — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

To make my summer concert series extra authentic, I replaced all the bathrooms in my studio with 100-degree porta-potties. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

Although the show tonight may look like a rerun, it's actually a live word-for-word re-enactment. You're welcome. — PolitiTweet.org

Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome

JC Penney has hired Apple's Ron Johnson to revamp its stores. Can't wait for that one-button shirt! — PolitiTweet.org