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Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
We could be in for a double-dip recession. Which is terrible: I wanted mine with sprinkles. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Americans for Prosperity didn't intentionally misprint that WI election form. Just send your vote in on Octogust 35th and you'll be fine. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Happy Birthday, President Obama! #HowDoITweetSarcasmOnThisThing? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If Obama really cared about our economy, he'd make massive year-cuts to his age. 50? Come on, we're in a recession here! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
They say what you don't know can't kill you, which is why I never learned about gun safety. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I start each morning with some piping-hot, extra-strong joe. He's the guy at Starbucks who makes my macchiato. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I can't believe I lost my baby teeth fortune. I'm ruined! Unless...Is there a fairy that pays for grown man's tears? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The tooth fairy economic model has been a sham since it went off the enamel standard in the '70s. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The GOP's biggest concession in the debt ceiling debate? It took place within the government. That must have been tough for them. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
We didn't default! I haven't been this excited about averting a voluntary disaster since the time I didn't stick my hand in a paper shredder — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If you ask me, "sliced bread" is a pretty low bar for greatness. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
You can't know a man till you walk a mile in his shoes. Or for faster results, run 30 minutes in his boxers. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Thanks to the Holy Smoke company, after I die, I can give myself my own 21-gun salute. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
It's President Obama's birthday this week! Unless the Republicans made him give that up too. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The Republicans would have gotten 100% of everything they asked for, but they couldn't find a tutu to fit Joe Biden. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I mean what I say and I say what I mean. Luckily, I don't have to fill out my taxes orally . — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
All those deranged letters to the editor you've been writing? That ends now. http://bit.ly/PACstand — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Stand up and be heard without leaving your seat. http://bit.ly/PACstand — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Let me know what you stand for so that I can stand for it too, legality and/or existence of loophole permitting. Http://bit.ly/PACstand — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I have a set of unwavering, deeply held principles. Please tell me what they are. http://bit.ly/PACstand — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Wal-mart's launching a movie streaming service with over 30,000 titles! Of course, 10,000 of them are High School Musical sequels. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Some people say journalism is like peeling layers of an onion, but I just deep-fry it till it blooms. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I forget, when you're scrapbooking is it "paste before sticker, never felt sicker" or the other way around? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
We must do something about our dwindling helium supply! Tying balloons to my house was my escape plan once we default. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I've got a great idea for a social media site that lets you send out messages no longer than 70 characters. I'm going to call it Twit. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
For the last time, I'm not an ice cream truck! I just like public-domain glockenspiel songs at full volume! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
1 week until default. Trying to get in as many tweets as I can before grid goes down and the high council of cannibal elders take over. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Godfathers Pizza just hung up on me when I asked them to deliver a medium with pepperoni, mushrooms, and Herman Cain. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If Brian Cox wants a real wonder of the universe, he should interview this squirrel. Http://tinyurl.com/928vmo — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Still full from all that Manwich. i probably shouldn't have shotgunned each can. — PolitiTweet.org
