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Showing page 184 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight, the part of Stephen Colbert was played by my understudy Meryl Streep. Damn, she was good. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'll miss checking in with WOI. It was like I was back in Patterson Springs, but with a lot less mustache. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If people don't take off their shoes, how will TSA know if they're evil? You need to get a good look at their "sole." Twitter-Emmy please! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm going on my vacation, so you'll have to make this tweet last. Simply dole out 7.7 of these 140 characters each day for the next 18 days — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
After my hard-hitting check-in with WOI, I want to warn all my local tweet affiliates that this tweet will be going long. In other news, pri — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Glad I drank that lead paint. I'd been meaning to repaint my intestinal walls. It'll ensure I get my security deposit back. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I refuse to ignore less-used letters just because everyone else does it. Thxazt's jqust wjroyvqng. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Luntz's company is called Word Doctors. Though for a wordsmith you'd think he'd come up with a cooler name, like Dinosaur Pizza Party. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Obamacare is also an anagram for "A ear am cob" proving that Obama has poor grammar and is illogical. An ear of corn can't also be a cob! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Unlike Ambassador Rice, I don't need diplomatic immunity. I've already built up a healthy resistance to diplomacy. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The biggest winner of the Ames straw poll? Cardiologists! http://t.co/N3TVWVL — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Why did Pawlenty go out with such a whimper? He should've at least walked slowly away as his campaign exploded behind him. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Michele Bachmann won the Ames Straw Poll. I assume by guessing Newt Gingrich's weight. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A 98-yr-old has become the first woman awarded a 10th degree blackbelt. Looks like her grandson WILL be calling her back. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Sesame Street says Bert and Ernie aren't gay, tho I find it suspicious that the last episode was brought to you by the letters L, G, B, & T. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The Statue of Liberty is undergoing renovations. She's sure to attract a lot of immigrants with her new D-cups. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Hey Iowans, sick of endless political ads on TV? Click here to watch some on your computer: http://bit.ly/pVOiQa — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Sadly, fans of Colbert Super PAC's ads will have to wait until the DVD release for the 7-hour director's cut. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Corporations are people. That's why I get all my business news from People magazine. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Stocks went back up again today! If I time it right, I can be an every-other-day millionaire. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If you're addicted to donating to the Pawlenty campaign, don't quit cold turkey. Cold turkey will just remind you of Pawlenty. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
God only has a 52% approval rating? Man, he's got to be kicking himself for creating approval ratings. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If the Earth's getting warmer, maybe it's because God's giving us a tan so we look great when we get to Heaven. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Instead of complaining about the record high temperatures, why not take the opportunity to fire clay pots in parked cars? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The Dow rebounded today! I say we end America right now on a good note. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Since all the news is terrible today, here's a little pick-me-up: http://bit.ly/oA6TjH — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If you want to stay alive longer in the Live Box 10, wedge yourself into the crisper drawer. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The Stock Market dropped 634 points today. Oh no! I had everything in points! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The NBA season may be canceled! But the playoffs will still somehow last until July. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I've taken over @MLB for 24 hours! If I suddenly start breaking tweet records, it's only because I dipped my hands in flax seed oil. — PolitiTweet.org
