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Showing page 182 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Following Christie's lead, Newt Gingrich held a special press conference to announce he's still running for president. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If we renamed America "New Jersey" Chris Christie would HAVE to govern us. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Christie didn't say if he was dropping out of the race for 2016! Let the speculation coverage begin! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Buy “Sad Monsters” by my writer Frank Lesser. It’s what zombie Lincoln would have read. http://t.co/QmsXX1PD — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Martha Stewart's daughters wrote a book slamming her. It makes a great centerpiece for an awkward Thanksgiving. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Herman Cain wants to revamp "Hail to the Chief." There's now an entire verse about pizza. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Madonna is playing the Super Bowl halftime show. So can she still suit up for games this season? Need to know for my fantasy lineup. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight's Threats were all bears, but that doesn't mean they're the only things you should fear. I mean, what about Werewolf-Bears? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 9, 3. I'm not good with numbers. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Thanks, Nation! You helped The Stephen and @MelindaGates Foundation reach our goal with 7 days to spare! http://t.co/LoixdTaY — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Ham Rove refused to talk about Karl Rove due to family loyalties. Congealed ham juice is thicker than water. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
We've almost reached our goal! Put yourself in a Stephen and @MelindaGates sandwich! http://t.co/LoixdTaY — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Scientists have found a way to encode secret messages in bacteria. So keep it up, disgusting slobs - it's a matter of national security. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Happy Jewish New Year! Or as my Jewish friends say, "Why do you always have to point out we're Jewish?" — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Come on Clooney, invite me to your palazzo. Don't worry, I won't tell Ryan Gosling where it is. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
100 people were bitten by piranhas last weekend in a lake in Brazil. Proving what I always suspected, piranhas love round numbers. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
1: Upload your image to http://t.co/LoixdTaY. 2: Help kids. 3: Eat pie! (Step 3 optional) — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Melinda Gates & I want to help reboot failing schools and CTRL-ALT-DEL didn't work. Visit http://t.co/LoixdTaY — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The inventor of Doritos has died. Ashes to ashes, cheese dust to cheese dust... — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
When I stream Colbert Report episodes online, they're all hour-long specials! Though that could just be my 14.4 modem. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Are you ready to rock out to Radiohead? Great. Then please fill our rocking liability waiver. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight's show is an hour long! And still 23 hours too short! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Radiohead is on the show tonight. I'll ask them if they're ready to settle down and have Kids B and C. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning...just to get back at my neighbor Allen, whose stupid dog always wakes me up. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Why should I let sleeping dogs lie? I say, strap that snoring Schnauzer to a polygraph. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Sad Greece is on verge of default w/ so much potential gold wealth. I blame the ineffectual leadership of King Midas. Just touch something! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A giant deep-sea squid has been found to be bisexual. Now we know why the Gorton's fisherman never married. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm not upset about the Facebook redesign at all. Mostly because I still use friendster. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
How funny that Daniel Yergin's book about energy policy is called "The Quest." My book about gallant knights is called "Energy Policy." — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
New York police, enforce that anti-mask law! Storm every operating room in the city and drag those surgeons to jail! — PolitiTweet.org
