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Showing page 178 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
First class mail will soon take a day longer to arrive. Man, 45 cents doesn't buy anything these days! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
New research says you can detect someone's personality from their smell. Turns out most people are jerks who punch you for sniffing them. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Just dug a lap pool with my bare hands. Man, this 5-Hour Energy stuff is amazing! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
After the show, Jimmie Johnson gave me a ride home and it took four minutes! His pit crew promised to do better next time. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Now that Cain's out, "Hermentum" to revert back to original meaning: velocity of a dry heave. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The Cain Train has been de-commissioned and turned into a roadside diner. Good luck to the waitresses. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight: My guest is 5-time Sprint Cup NASCAR champ Jimmie Johnson, assuming he comes inside. He's been circling my studio for 4 hours! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
First Bachmann, then Perry, then Cain, then Gingrich... I look forward to the next GOP front-runner: Mitt Romney in a fake mustache. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump are going to sit down for a face to face. Hope they got a big room. That's a lot of face. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney was so upset after that Bret Baier interview, his handlers had to force shut down his OS before it went into a kernel panic. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I can't believe Barney Frank is stepping down. I wonder where he'll tax and spend his retirement years. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight on the Report: Legendary composer and lyricist Stephen Sondheim! I'm so happy I could burst into interview. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
An elderly man has returned cash he stole from Sears in the 40s. It was Sears' most profitable day since the 40s. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Today is the 100th anniversary of something I assume. Wow, can you believe it's been 100 years since that thing happened? Time flies. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
You can't fool me, http://t.co/F1adAIYg. It's gonna be Stamos one of these days, and when it is, I'll be there. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tinariwen is by far my favorite North African Refugee band. My favorite Pan-African Refugee band is a much closer call, though. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If the Pope got in a car accident, wouldn't wearing a seat belt make it harder for God to pull him up to Heaven? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Happy Thanksgiving, Nation! As you give thanks today for everything you're grateful for, I feel obliged to say "You're welcome." — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Support injured service members and their families. Make a bid in the Stand Up For Heroes on-line auction. http://t.co/z7ZF8BPr — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Get the new album by the Black Belles! Play it while you watch my show, and it'll be like I never left the band. http://t.co/tbrqHUVa — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Pushy Pops making me thirsty! Thank God for new 64-oz "Sippy Sluice." — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Don't believe me that Nick Nolte is still sexy? http://t.co/DGgOyQoq — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I HOPE JAY THE INTERN COMES BACK SOON TO SHOW ME WHERE THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON IS. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
For all we know, that pregnant woman in Seattle had a weird craving for ice cream and pepper spray. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Is our porous Mexican border aiding illegal immigration? And is Newt Gingrich willing to spend all winter in Cabo to investigate? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight: My guest Chris Matthews wrote a book about JFK. How many biographies does that guy get? Where's the James K. Polk bio? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Facebook's been hacked by a porn virus. So until this clears up, don't poke anybody without a condom. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I have one thing to say to all those occupy protesters: GET A JOB! Once one becomes available in America. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight: My guest is Elijah Wood, star of "Happy Feet Two," which I believe is about Sauron eradicating Middle Earth's Emperor penguins. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
CBS has a clear liberal bias. Why else would they be pushing "The Big Bang Theory?" — PolitiTweet.org
