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Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If you, or someone you love, is a corporation, do not sign this. http://t.co/XGpfCqko — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Kim Jong Il lives on in the hearts of all North Koreans. Thanks partly to his mandatory implant-pieces-of-my-corpse-in-your-hearts edict. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mayor Bloomberg and Lady Gaga's celebrity couple name? "MayLady BloomGa." — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
No snails were harmed during tonight's episode. Though we had to butcher the cucumbers pretty brutally. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I learned a lot covering the Iowa caucuses. For instance: Iowa and Idaho are not the same place. Uh oh, I'm becoming a geography nerd! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
BREAKING SUPER PAC NEWS! THE TRUE STORY BEHIND S.C. GOP PRIMARY NAMING RIGHTS! PLUS: I FIND OUT iPADS HAVE CAPS LOCK! http://t.co/tWxRCXTf — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Doing some web cruising on vacay. My new favorite twitter feed.Check this dude out! He's making sense! http://t.co/7EFME9tq — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm off for two weeks! But don't worry, I hired someone to water the show while I'm gone. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My office Christmas party is tonight, which means my office apology party will be tomorrow. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Gee, Daniel Craig, thanks a lot for all the smoldering good looks. The fire marshall just assessed me a huge fine. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I am well-armed for the war on Christmas: Ground-to-air mistletoe, check. Pecan clusterbombs, check. Canister of peppermint spray, check. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
You can catch more flies with honey. Or you can eat that honey and not have to deal with expensive fly upkeep. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm glad Congress is keeping the military safe from bestiality. It's the love that dare not bark its name. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Canada plans to back out of the Kyoto treaty. My compliments to what will soon be called the Great Gray North. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Anderson Cooper calls himself a journalist and yet he can't even say or spell "Ridiculous" correctly. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The latest challenge for members of the Occupy movement? Keeping their parents from finding out what they mean by "working on Wall Street." — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Ate a whole loptg of butttter durikgn show2. Fingerees are gvery slipery..... — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
This Norwegian butter shortage is the worst international food crisis since they devalued the chocolate euro. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The Dept. of Transportation wants to ban texting while driving. Then how am I supposed to let the car behind me know I'm turning? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'd better check my list twice, because it looks like those two Santas were being naughty AND nice. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If I were a doctor prescribing a fecal transplant, I'd lighten the mood by saying, "Take a #2 and call me in the morning." — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Gaddafi's son was caught trying to enter Mexico. Just how long *is* the Mexican border?! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
China admitted the "fog" over Beijing is really smog. You do not want to know what the rain is. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My dance performance tonight was so beautiful that people threw things at me. Some were roses, some were chairs. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
How many groins in the human body? Asking b/c I'm pretty sure I just pulled them all. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My serious, classy Republican debate is too high-brow and fancy to tweet about. By the way, Twitter, best social media. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Romney won't go to Trump debate. Guess he's afraid Trump will want to see his long-form manufacturer's warranty. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Losing our drone in Iran's backyard is almost as bad as when Kim Jong Il confiscated the Pentagon's Frisbee. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight: My guests The Black Keys will play a song from their album "El Camino." It's half genre-bending blues rock, half pickup truck. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Technically wouldn't all of Denver be in the mile high club? — PolitiTweet.org
