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Showing page 174 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
"The Scream" might fetch $80M at an auction. Then why am I giving my screams away for free? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Kids, if you want to start training to be a pro Ultimate Tazer Ball player, get off your butt, go outside, and harass some cops. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
America's Douchebags are getting us back on track. Pressure's on, America's Jagoffs! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Happy B-day, George Washington! Wow, what do you give the man who built America? And after you get that for me, what do we buy Washington? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Say what you will about the Father of Lies--he always showed up to Lies' T-ball games. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Romney also loves Michigan because it's cold the right amount of time, there are food places, and some of the food places have waffles. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My family and I would like to thank everyone who has offered their thoughts and prayers. We are grateful and touched by your concern. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Happy Valentine's Day! Hope you're enjoying your flowers, or chocolates, or smug self-satisfaction at not celebrating Valentine's Day. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I loved The Book of Mormon! My favorite part--bragging that I got tickets to The Book of Mormon! @BookofMormonBWY — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
First they put safety features on circular saws; next we'll be forced to wear seat belts to run our blenders. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Kraft, you can finally top your "It's Crumbelievable!" campaign with "It's Lincredible!" You know where to send the checks. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Figured out how to monetize cat-breading: Add dog-baguetteing. I'm gonna make a fortune! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Great. Now I can't get Newt's version of "Eye of the Tiger" out of my head. I'll be humming about the Founders' faith all night. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight, I disclose the hard numbers on my SuperPac. Here's a preview: 4. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney have combined into a Frankenstein creature named Nitt Romgrich. It cries coconut milk. #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney is electric! In that it's very possible he's powered by a 12-volt battery. #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich married his High School Math Teacher. Not a #preparethem tweet, just true. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney has the sense of humor of a brick in a washing machine, just not the rhythm. #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich is actually the Michelin Man with a coat of peach paint and a wig. #preparethem. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney's favorite Star Wars movie is: all six of them are pretty good, which one do you like? That's his favorite too! #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich will stick with this campaign until the convention...unless his publisher stops selling his book. #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mitt is concerned about the very poor in this country--specifically, that they might get their germs on him. #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich is a family values candidate. He values families so much, he's had three! #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney will make an absolutely fearless Commander-in-Chief, because fear is a human emotion. #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Newt has as much chance becoming president as he does mayor of his moon base. Actually, moon base mayor is far more likely. #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney does not want to fire you, unless it is absolutely, positively possible. Romney 2012! #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
No one should question Newt's moral character. Especially since the answers will haunt your dreams. Newt 2012! #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Newt's only hope for your vote is if you've been in a coma for 20 years. And if you have, he probably divorced you. Newt 2012! #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney is not a vulture capitalist. Vultures only eat things that are dead. Romney 2012! #preparethem — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
History is written by the winners. However, the penises drawn in history books are often written by the 5th graders. — PolitiTweet.org
