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Showing page 173 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm glad someone is trying to preserve the world's folk music. You never know -- one day we may run out of jugs and spoons. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight, Don Fleming, Emmylou Harris & Elvis Costello are here to talk about preserving the world's folk music. That is so punk rock! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Today is World Kidney Day! Give your kidneys a hug! Also, what are you doing? PUT THEM BACK INSIDE YOUR BODY! YOU NEED THOSE TO LIVE! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Obama says he won't take any option off the table for Iran. Great. You let them know about our secret nuclear table! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
After last night, Super Tuesday can put its glasses back on and return to work as a mild-mannered newspaper reporter. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
How many Physicists does it take to change a light bulb? Seriously. I have 4 on retainer now & I need to trim my household budget. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Little-known fact: that Quaker guy on the oatmeal box is naked from the waist down. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
This morning at breakfast, I think I got some cheap Russian Alphabits - half of the R's were backwards! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Congratulations to President-elect Putin! I look forward to recycling this tweet for decades to come. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Advertisers are abandoning Rush Limbaugh. Where will Summer's Eve find a spokesperson now? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
You know that warm, tingly feeling you get when your foot falls asleep? That's how I feel about Mitt. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Scientists say a 5,000-year-old ice mummy was lactose intolerant. Great--just more mastadon yogurt for me. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Yo Mama's so fat, she's at high risk for contracting Type 2 Diabetes! It's funny because for 10 million Americans it's true. Still got it! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Teachers are a bad influence on our kids. For one thing, some of them are nearly 40 and still in the third grade. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Happy Birthday, Justin Bieber! See you tonight at the big surprise par---ka convention. (Phew, almost spoiled the surprise party!) — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight, my guest Claire Danes plays a CIA agent in the Showtime drama "HOMELAND." Wait, if she's here, who's pretending to protect America? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
@WilliamShatner brought four friends with him to the show tonight. Unfortunately, the one in the red shirt didn't make it out alive. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm a great tipper. Heck, sometimes that's all the money I leave! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight, my guest is @WilliamShatner. In his honor, there's a monster on the wing of my show. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Despite their name, Thin Mints are not a diet aid. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Just drank my second bottle of 500-Hour Energy, so I should be good for another 1000 shows. BTW: I'm writing this while strangling a boar. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If we take away those long rods gas stations use to change their signs, gas prices will never go up again. YOU'RE WELCOME. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight's my 1000th show! I was going to put together a highlight reel, but it was 1,000 shows long. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight is my 1,000th show! Beat that, "Time-Life Presents: Sounds of the '60s" infomercial! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I wonder how much extra it costs to get the Mazda CX-5 with the Thneed interior. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight, my guest is legendary tenor Placido Domingo. I think it's safe to say our interview will end on a high note. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Scientists have found a new planet made mostly of steam. NASA, I demand a mission to send my wrinkled shirts there. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If Target sends you coupons for rope, garbage bags, and bleach, abort the mission. They know too much. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Anyone who thinks marketing's become too invasive is just jealous that corporations are better at remembering birthdays. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight, my guest is House Minority Leader @NancyPelosi. Good news--I've already cut her mic. — PolitiTweet.org
