Deleted tweet detection is currently running at reduced
capacity due to changes to the Twitter API. Some tweets that have been
deleted by the tweet author may not be labeled as deleted in the PolitiTweet
interface.
Showing page 172 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Romney built an elevator in his home for his car. I hope it's tall enough to fit the dog on top. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
After a drone delivers my taco, any chance I could get a firefighting plane to drop 24,000 gallons of soda in my mouth? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Just bought a Mega Millions ticket at the deli. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna win, so I also bought 363 million bucks worth of yogurt. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The Queen of England crashed a wedding this weekend. And I assume exercised her royal right to take the groom's virginity. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm off next week to give the studio a good spring cleaning. Not me, technically, but Jay the Intern's a genius with a scrubbin' brush. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum is 1/8th cottage cheese. #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum's favorite stand up comic is a copy of Reader's Digest. #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum wears a fireproof leotard under everything. #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum has never solved a Wheel of Fortune puzzle. #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum's childhood nickname was "Mr. Santorum." #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum believes it's a mortal sin to mix slushy flavors. #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum preferred the second Darrin on "Bewitched." #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum refuses to put his left hip in during the Hokey-Pokey. #inMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
For Halloween, Rick Santorum went as a Saltine. #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum's favorite quote from Jesus is "It's Clobberin' Time!" #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum once strapped a dog to the top of his church. #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum wrote an op-ed about the filth in "Finding Nemo." #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum gets heartburn from water. #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum was the basis for Haley Joel Osment's character in "The Sixth Sense." #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum hasn't played basketball since he accidentally chest-bumped a teammate. #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rick Santorum has body hair in the exact shape of his sweater vest. #InMyHeart — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A new species of frog has been discovered in New York City. Although it's living in Hoboken to save on rent. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Those gorillas may be terrorizing a small town, but their dream is to get noticed and terrorize Hollywood. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
We thought we'd lost Kermit the Frog before his segment. It was a mistake to put him in the green room. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Of course Goldman Sachs called their clients "muppets." Some of them ended up living in garbage cans. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
There has never been a bigger pay cut in history than going from Goldman Sachs to being published in the New York Times. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I really think I offended my houseplant tonight. He hasn't talked to me since I yelled at him. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If bears start going to spas, there's no way they could resist eating us. What's a masseuse but a human meat tenderizer? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Romney won Guam and the Marianas Islands. He's been prepping for years by sending his money to islands. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Happy birthday, Mitt Romney. I hope the candles are just the right height. — PolitiTweet.org
