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Showing page 170 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Thank you to the people of Delaware for your hospitality. I'm talking to you, sallow roadside Roy Rogers employees. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My guest Magnus Carlsen is the top chess player in the world. If the interview doesn't go my way I'll knock the table over and run away. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A news show apologized for broadcasting porn, saying there was a cable mixup. Things only got worse when the cable repairman showed up. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Love the UNC campus! Go Fightin' UNCles! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
To those who have received their Super Fun Packs: stay tuned to The Report for a treasure map starter clue, so you all can start together! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Parents are suing Apple over addictive kids iPad/iPhone games. The results of the lawsuit will be available as a $2 in-app purchase. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The Space Shuttle Discovery has arrived at the Smithsonian. I've always said it was the Archie Bunker's chair of space. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight's fruit plate. Fun new shape! http://t.co/oUjwdqcN — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Doomsday Tip: If you're the last person alive & want to read every book in a library but your glasses break, head to the audiobook section. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I don't usually share my best apocalypse survival tips because I don't need the competition for the rat meat. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Rob Portman might be too flashy to be Mitt's VP. Maybe a strip of packing tape is available. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight's fruit plate http://t.co/MBF11Hbs — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The hologram of Tupac Shakur is going on tour. I hope this doesn't start an East Coast-West Coast holofeud. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'd bet dollars to donuts this GSA scandal goes straight to the top! Except I spent all my donut dollars on psychics and clowns :( — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
One more reason to have Michael Phelps as your accountant: never questions importance of full-body wax as legitimate business expense. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Knock knock. Whom am I addressing? Orange. And... humor session complete. The comedic irony lies in the truth that vegetation cannot speak. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney is considering an appearance on Saturday Night Live. Or as he said, "Sock it to me!" — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I was in the hardback edition of Katie Couric's book. Am I in the paperback? Only 2 ways 2 find out--1 is buying it. http://t.co/Pe8GzRZj — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A study found alcohol makes men better at problem solving, which is good news unless your problem is debilitating alcoholism. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Beware: there are communists in Congress. There's only one way to stop them: everyone get under your school desks! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Apocalypse survival tip: Hang out with Will Smith. That guy always survives! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Watch my interview with James Cameron tonight...in 3D! Just travel back in time, get tickets to the show, and enjoy! @JimCameron — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Support FarmAid and help family farmers...until our crops are genetically modified enough to harvest themselves. http://t.co/p6WgZI46 — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The First Lady's been gone for an hour now, but I'm still getting a Secret Service patdown. These guys are thorough. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
What a rush, having the First Lady here! In that when I tried to shake her hand, the Secret Service rushed me. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Supporting our troops takes more than wearing a ribbon, unless that ribbon says, "I just hired a U.S. Veteran." @JoiningForces — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My guest tonight is First Lady @MichelleObama. I hope she enjoys the Deep-Fried Pizza I put in the Green Room. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
.@ dnnr. w8r won't a,d8 me. total *. #igotthetweetslikegrassley — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Twt7kGr9ss7ey! #igotthetweetslikegrassley — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I j9st gt muy KYboured F1Xed! Th1z sh00Ld B b&tt&r! #igotthetweetslikegrassley — PolitiTweet.org
