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Showing page 169 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Buy my children's book "I am a Pole (And So Can You!)" or I'll have to assume you hate children. http://t.co/PKj2PrNh — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A Socialist has been elected the president of France. I guess Obama got a night job. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Buy my children's book I AM A POLE (AND SO CAN YOU) about a pole figuring just where he fits in. (Spoiler Alert: The answer is America!) — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Our teens are getting drunk on Purell. But to be fair, it tastes better than Jagermeister. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Fell in the bathroom and hit my head today. Ambulance showed up before I could invent a flux capacitor. Will try again tomorrow. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Help settle a bet - a brunch after 11am is technically a "blunch," right? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Does anyone know how to get a set of car keys out of a garbage disposal? And also a car? I had some trouble pulling into the garage. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Just reading the paper. A lot of stirring articles today: "the" "an" "a." Fascinating. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I just figured out a great way to dry my hair in the morning: salad spinner. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jay the Intern beat me to the green room today, so I was the 2nd person to meet @TheRealBuzz Aldrin. I guess that's still pretty good. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Catch me on The Today Show tomorrow at 7 a.m.! I won’t be up yet, so somebody please let me know how I did. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Met this guy today. He asked me for some grey poupon. http://t.co/rMteef10 — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Trying to commit every thought to twitter but my thumbs are too slow. Right there--lost two thoughts about my slow thumbs. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Guy in front of me in line at Starbucks is too busy twittering to move forward. Get a life! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich may have officially dropped out, but he will never be forgotten. Take care of yourself, Newt ... um, I want to say, Gretzky? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Saw a TGIFridays open on Wednesday. Went inside and screamed "LIARS!" — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
This Starbucks line is HORRIBLE. Not because it's long, but because no one has recognized me. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I know it's late, but I just had to log on to twitter to see what I was saying right now. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Forgot to ask Father Reese: Could God make a government so big, even he couldn't budget? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
April showers bring May flowers. Though I was really hoping for May X-Boxes. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Edvard Munch's "The Scream" could fetch $150 million at auction on Wednesday. Though if you want the frame, it's an extra 40 bucks. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I wonder if, on Krypton, my Super PAC would just be a PAC? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Another perk of the antique turtle bell? It summons antique turtles. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My guest tonight is rock superstar Jack White. I'll make him join the COLBERT Nation Army! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
http://t.co/DUVzGC9L — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Can't believe NASA is getting rid of SpaceBook. We were on the verge of learning if social networking sites could support intelligent life! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The Supreme Court heard arguments today on Arizona's immigration law, but only after Justice Sotomayor showed some ID. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A study found that trying on swimsuits made women feel objectified. Having a researcher in the changing room probably didn't help either. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Magnus Carlsen was a good guest, but I still prefer the kind of chess you play with checkers. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I didn't know Canada even had currency. I always thought they bartered with beaver teeth and moose dewlaps. — PolitiTweet.org
