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Showing page 167 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If a filmmaker can be a prophet, why can't a prophet be a filmmaker? C'mon, Nostradamus, I'll bet you have a bromance in you! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If news reporting is a chess game, Shepard Smith is five moves ahead of the rest of us. Also, he's playing Candyland. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Now that I've defeated Mike Tyson, I'm coming for you, "Gentleman Jim" Corbett! Note: I don't watch boxing or know what year it is. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tough day for Spain's economy. They need to get their groove back. Are there any more soccer things they can win? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mona Lisa's bones may have been discovered in Italy. We'll finally be able to see what was actually underneath that painting. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My children's book is a must-read for the whole family. As long as they each buy their own copy. No free rides, Grandma! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
More Americans are getting their news from YouTube. That's why many believe the Syrian crisis was caused by a kitten leaping out of a box. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Fiat, I also enjoy fresh OJ and milk in the morning, so please install an orange tree and cow in the backseat of the car. Thanks. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Happy 4th of July! As you take this day to honor America, ask yourself, "Why am I not honoring America on the other 364 days? Shame on me." — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm off for two weeks, so until I get back, take the characters in this tweet and parcel them out one per day. Use this Q wisely. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I have to buy health insurance just because I'm alive?! What's next? I have to buy auto insurance just because I drive everywhere?? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The worst part about Oreos being gay? Now I have to eat Hydrox. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Anybody know a synonym for a word that means the same thing as another word? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Hot enough for ya?! ( YES ) ( NO ) (touch screen to answer!!!) — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If you're anything like me, you have bones! Test your marrow at Be The Match! http://t.co/Q2kMcPaf Help kids like Jake! http://t.co/QixoSqms — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tell [email protected] I deserve @sweden! And that they deserve a better email address! #artificialswedener — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm not surprised Egypt is in turmoil. Their entire history is based on pyramid schemes. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
We have so much free ice cream piling up in the studio these days, I've ordered my staff to seek out devastating heartbreaks. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
It's the first day of summer! Only 499 to go until I get over Zooey Deschanel. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Email [email protected] to get me @Sweden. And look--here's a Swedish flag [+-]. #ArtificialSwedener — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Kind of rude for Obama to keep interrupting that reporter in the Rose Garden. Let him finish the question! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A new study found your risk of death rises 14% on your birthday. I learned it in the world's most depressing Hallmark card. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight's guest, Gregg Allman, has a new memoir about his life as a rock star. Hope he's ready to get tied to the Whipping Post. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I Am America (and could also be Sweden for a week). Email [email protected] ! #ArtificialSwedener — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tell [email protected] that the voice of Sweden should have an American accent! #ArtificialSwedener — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Email [email protected] & tell them to give me Sweden's Twitter feed. Also ask what a lingonberry is. #ArtificialSwedener — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Furshney borshney yornuy borne schmurney twerny byorn hirshnee borsh hurney shmern schmern... Bork! Bork! Bork! — PolitiTweet.org
