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Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Another patent case I'm eager to see play out: Apple Inc. VS Real Apples With a Bite Out of Them. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
It's no big deal that Romney may have alienated 47% of the American people. By my count, that's only, like, 10%. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
America's young people are buying fewer new cars. In related news, American's young people are buying fewer everything else. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Here's a simple acronym to help you figure out if you're too smart to be a Republican: S.M.A.R.T. If you know what an acronym is you're out. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm off this week to get my Election Season Game Face on. It involves several chemical peels, a tanning booth, and a slice of lemon! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm also removing the Colbert Bump from Twitter. Sorry, Twitter -- you're now Friendster. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I don't know why Bill Richardson didn't seek the Democratic nomination this year like he did in 2008. He'd have had only one opponent! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Don't donate to this, unless you enjoy liberal Hollywood artists expressing themselves with unfettered abandon: http://t.co/NYh7vQb5 — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
To make the week go by faster, I'm playing my Democratic National Convention drinking game. The rules: Drink whenever the TV is on. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Have a relaxing Labor Day everybody! Unless you're catering my BBQ, in which case, stay focused and keep the sangria chilled. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
After Labor Day, it's no longer fashionable to wear white, so I'm spending today in a $12,000 Vera Wang Wedding Gown. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney's speech was really eye-opening. Followed immediately by eye-closing. What did I miss? Fell asleep for a bit. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Great day to be in the chair industry. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A doctor in Massachusetts says she won't see any patients who weigh over 200 lbs. In other words, a doctor in Massachusetts is retiring. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
What a week for Mitt Romney. For 6 long years he's been waiting for people to have to be nice to him. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
You know who's the world's best magician? The guy who came up with seedless grapes. Because, where'd those seeds go?! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
It's night two of the Republican Convention, and I am on Cloud Nine. Though my tax returns only have me at Cloud Four. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I don't sweat the small stuff. My perspiration drops are the size of basketballs. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
You know what would be really impressive? If Mitt Romney turned the whole convention into a successful Winter Olympics. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If you want to watch the Report this week, you gotta get your official Tampa 2012 All-Access-Pass at http://t.co/GA0r7oFh. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
It makes sense that Republicans would flock to Tampa strip clubs. They love telling women what to do with their bodies. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney has won the GOP nomination! So inspiring. The man overcame crushing privilege to make it here. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I got a great idea for a TV show. It's about three squirrels who- that's as far as I got. But I think we can all agree it's an awesome start — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm on vacation for a week. I won't say where, but it rhymes with Florida. That's right, I'm going to the secret rich person island Shmorida — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Thus ends Colbchella '012. Get pumped for Colbchella '013 on the International Space Station! Or somewhere else. Don't ask me. I'm so tired. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight's episode was a theme show. The Fierce Five have GOLD medals and @Santigold has GOLD in her name. So the theme was, I'm great! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Today is the 35th Anniv of the WOW! Signal and I'm sending aliens a message: "We are not delicious": http://t.co/vwGt8EFN — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
"The Price is Right" wants to hire a male model. If it helps, I can bring my own gowns. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The soldiers on "Stars Earn Stripes" have sacrificed so much. Some of those Craft Services tables don't even have Lorna Doones. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Ryan has everything you'd want in a VP pick: a face, the ability to stand, a rudimentary understanding of object permanence, everything! — PolitiTweet.org
