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Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE!: My guest @Alancumming plays 15 roles in Broadway's MACBETH. He's gotta have one nervous understudy. @ColbertReport, 11:30 p.m. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Florida is being overrun by African Land Snails! The invasion has been ramping up since 1942. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Just fed my Rollie Rhode Island Red some Taco Bell. In 5 minutes, it's Huevos Rancheros time! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Buzzfeed is the Edward R. Murrow of posting lists of chipmunks that look like Edward R. Murrow. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE! My guest Caroline Kennedy has a new book of POEMS TO LEARN BY HEART. But if I learn them by heart, why would I need a book? TCR,11:30 — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Warning: the Mayo Clinic is NOT an institution dedicated to mayonnaise. Learned that the hard way. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Home is where you hang your hat, so my home is the eliptical trainer I haven't used in 18 months. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Finland apologized to Russia's Vladamir Putin for putting him on their criminal blacklist. Finland, you will be missed. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Times Square cartoon mascots are a hallowed tradition of duping tourists, like 3-card monty or "Mamma Mia." — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If the GOP gets into pot, how will they not crack up when they see this? http://t.co/XUk1ixuSYV — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE: "NASA plans 2 lasso an asteroid b/c given their budget, the most advanced technology they can afford is rope." @ColbertReport, 11:30p — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If we took all the guns out of video games, Oregon Trail would just be about some poor family dying of dysentery while their oxen drown. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
"Weiner would be a great NYC mayor. We wouldn't have to worry about a soda ban--we've seen he puts more than 16 oz. in his cup." TCR, 11:30p — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
This tweet is brought to you with limited commercial interrup-prilosec-tions. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
My baloney has a first name, but I'd rather not know what it is. Don't want to get attached. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
FUN FACT: Each episode of @ColbertReport ends with bonus outtakes! Or it would, if I ever made a mistake. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Don't forget to follow @PrezBillyJeff. I believe that as ex-president, everything he tweets carries the weight of law. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE: My guest is former Prez Bill Clinton! If it goes well, I hope 2 interview ALL the ex-presidents. You're next, Hoover! @ColbertReport — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
RT @PrezBillyJeff: Just spent amazing time with Colbert! Is he sane? He is cool! #cgiu — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Handy fix-it tip: If you break a drawer on your Ikea desk, buy a new Ikea desk. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE: "I don't care much for the environment. If it's that important to protect it, why isn't it Scotchgarded?" @ColbertReport, 11:30 p.m. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE: My guest author A.C. Grayling makes a case against religion. If you ask me, he doesn't have a prayer. @ColbertReport, 11:30pm — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
@worldscifest honors James D. Watson at their annual Gala. Get tickets here! http://t.co/HqX7kykwqg — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Jay-Z is trying his hand at being a sports agent. He's got 99 problems, but negotiating a great back-end deal w/Gatorade ain't one. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Florida might ban bongs. This explains why seniors eat so early-- they have the munchies!!!! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight's guest said we need more female energy in D.C. I wonder if she's met my sister? She's got energy! Wow... http://t.co/lfT9vSr3X9 — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Barack Obama is doing a great job running this country. April Fools! Wait, it's after midnight – oh no, what have I said?! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Happy Belated Easter! I was going to tweet this yesterday, but then it wouldn't have made any sense. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE! My guest Sigourney Weaver stars in a new Broadway show. I can't wait 2 see aliens burst from her chest & SING! @ColbertReport, 11:30p — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NIGHT: "Every day, more & more freeloaders R sucking @ the gov't teat, which is especially troubling since Uncle Sam is a dude!" TCR, 11:30 — PolitiTweet.org
