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Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE: My guest Daniel Radcliffe plays Beat poet Alan Ginsberg in KILL YOUR DARLINGS, aka HARRY POTTER AND THE STARVING HYSTERICAL NAKED. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE: Vince Gilligan will discuss last night's @BreakingBad_AMC finale. To avoid spoilers, watch the previous 1246 episodes of TCR first. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Scientists now say adolescence lasts until age 25. To which 25-year-olds responded "No it doesn't! GOD! Get out of my room!" — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Anybody seen my pancake mix? Couldn't find it in the cabinet so I figured I'd ask you guys. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE: My guest Joseph Gordon-Levitt (@hitRECordJoe) wrote, directed and stars in DON JON. But what he really wants to do is sound editing! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE: My guests @Metallica have a new 3-D IMAX concert film called THROUGH THE NEVER. It's like the Never is coming right at you! 11:30pm — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
BEHIND behind the candelabra!! http://t.co/ejicdKUZdP — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Congress must vote to repeal Obamacare a 42nd time. After all, 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
"From Day 1, I've vowed to stop Obamacare or die trying. Knowing my luck, I'll almost die and get nursed back to life by Obamacare!" 11:30pm — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
"I pride myself on my decisiveness. If I ever lost my ability to instantly know my next course of action, I don't know what I'd do." 11:30p — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Doing great in my Fantasy Football league, in which I fantasize that football is actually a delicious 3-foot hoagie. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Kanye West performed for a brutal dictator. But, in his defense, he probably never thought we'd find out about it. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I feel bad for the billionaires left off the Forbes 400. Hopefully they can make the Poverty Magazine 313,899,600. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Five years after the Financial Meltdown, isn't it time to recognize that 'The Financial Meltdown' would be an amazing name for a sandwich? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If it walks like a duck, it's probably some kind of land duck, cause i'm pretty sure ducks fly. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm so angry about Putin's op-ed that I'm canceling my subscription to the New York Times. First step: Subscribe to the New York Times. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tom Hanks has jury duty! I thought he already served on that case of JOE VS. THE VOLCANO. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NIGHT: My guest @SherylCrow has a new album is called FEELS LIKE HOME. I assume it's a recording of silent, parental disapproval. 11:30pm — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Tonight: I take a break from depressing stuff like Syria to discuss depressing stuff like J.D. Salinger. @ColbertReport, 11:30 p.m. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
TONIGHT: My guest @BillieJeanKing was the #1 women's tennis player for 5 years. I'll see if she can return my 100mph interruptions. 11:30pm — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If New York doesn't act fast and deal with this cats-on-the-train-track problem, soon we'll have them on Broadway! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE: My guest John Prine wrote such classic folk songs as "Angel From Montgomery." He's about to meet an Angel from Manhattan. TCR, 11:30p — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Ahoy, Nation! Join @SailingHall in Annapolis on 9/14 at 9:30am - Wounded Warriors Sailing Regatta RSVP [email protected] http://t.co/YfPWPl1tIm — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Perfect Polly makes a great pet for people of any age! Or Roombas of any age! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
2NITE: "Only 29% of Americans want to attack Syria. On the plus side, 29% of Americans know there is a place called "Syria." @ColbertReport — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
TONIGHT!: I'm back from my summer vacation. But don't tell anyone--I didn't do my summer reading. @ColbertReport, 11:30 p.m. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
A study found that Facebook makes us feel worse about our lives. Think about how bad I feel -- I'm still on Friendster. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm off for two weeks! As a parting present, why don't you go ahead and take off Monday, September 2nd in my honor? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Fantasy football is coming back! My fantasy: this year NFL players ride armored rhinos. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Scientists have discovered a new mammal that looks like a cross between a cat and a raccoon. But I think it tastes more like chicken. — PolitiTweet.org
