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Showing page 148 of 211.
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Product tootsie roll placement can be done so seamlessly turtle wax that it doesn't bother the consumer toyota at all. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
There's nothing wrong with West Virginia's water so long as you love the taste of burning tongue. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I didn't win a Golden Globe, but it's an honor just to assume I must have been nominated. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I hosted this Hunter S. Thompson edition of Selected Shorts - it's the closest I'll come to reading a book. http://t.co/7Tm7tLGS68 — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
When Christie is President, he'll address our nation's crumbling infrastructure by making sure we stay off bridges. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Another scandal has hit New Jersey - turns out Bruce Springsteen is only The Assistant Regional Boss! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
It's David Bowie's 67th birthday - or as he's calling it, the 40th anniversary reissue of his 27th birthday. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
@Foxnews It is colder than a warlock's taint. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
It's easy to check the quality of the surgeon you meet on your smartphone doctor app. Just ask for his "Fruit Ninja" score. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
American butter consumption is the highest its been in 40 years. Which is now also the average American lifespan. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Hello there! I'm an ordinary current person who is from the current time! So, how is #PopeBlueIvy doing? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Don't believe the marijuana threat is real? Then why did I develop glaucoma the same day they announced medicinal marijuana in New York? — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If you don't win Logo Party, you need to watch more TV. If you do win Logo Party, you need to watch more TV. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Logo Party is my favorite game. If only I could remember which company made it. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
They say "the camera adds ten pounds" - which is why my New Year's Resolution was to fire two cameramen. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Happy New Year, Nation! Exciting news - this year's the "Year of the Stephen Colbert"! Very lucky for all the Stephen Colberts out there. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I'm on hiatus until 1-6-2014. Out of respect, please don't celebrate any major holidays until I return. You're on your honor! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
America, we must take our Xmas traditions seriously. Some people are hanging their stockings with barely any care at all! — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
To — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I've got TWO coloring books! Grab your crayons, copies of "I Am America" and "America Again," and some other paper to color on. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
TONIGHT: "The NSA is spying on Second Life, a game for people who don't have a first one." @ColbertReport, 11:30 p.m. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
The FDA is phasing out antibiotics in meat. Which means soon, you can order steak without a prescription. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
#Rippies http://t.co/ysnDAredPV — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
#Rippies http://t.co/UBeoYRfaEo — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
TONIGHT: Obama makes a faux pas. Come on, Mr. President! At least embarrass us in English! @ColbertReport 11:30 p.m. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I believe in helping the homeless. That's why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
TONIGHT: A new Republican plan to attract women. Can 80-year-olds pull off Axe body spray? @ColbertReport, 11:30 p.m. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
New study says exercise boosts creativity, but I'm not convinced. My guitar playing always seems to suffer on the elliptical. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I bet the Batpope has never danced with the devil in the pale moonlight. — PolitiTweet.org
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! And to my Canadian viewers, big mistake. You should be American. — PolitiTweet.org
