Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Scotty Moore changed the world with 6 strings that cost less than $1. He combined true genius with real humility. https://t.co/UUh8AXhUvz — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Can someone please pass the ketchup? (one of my 21 million followers HAS to be in this diner) — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I had a parrot named Brexit who died last year. His last words were, “My passing will cause a worldwide sell-off.” #spooky #weird — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Still not sure why, at the end of my appointment, the proctologist gave me a new toothbrush. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I just got body-shamed by my jeans. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Really looking forward to the new Disneyland they’re building on that island of plastic bottles in the Pacific. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Scientists have discovered that people who forgive tend to be healthier than people who don’t. This changes nothing for us, @SteveMartinToGo — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Twitter announced they will let advertisers target users based on the emojis they tweet. Bring it on, poop companies. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

If Calvin Harris can’t make it work with Taylor Swift, what hope do any of us chiseled, 6’6” DJs have? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Until Mexico has White Walkers, I don’t think we need a wall. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

People in Cleveland haven’t been this happy since…wait, this is the first time they’re happy. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

To the Dads out there: today and all days, may your Dockers be wrinkle-free. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

“Only one more game. Thank God.” – Steph Curry’s mouthguard — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I don't know that much about professional basketball, but I know this: it's going to be the Cavs in 8. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Waiting at the vet’s office for my dog to get his shots. Might let the guy in the beard of wasps go ahead of me. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Donald Trump is the living embodiment of an erection that lasts more than four hours. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Let’s get one thing clear: I never joined HYDRA. They held a “free” buffet at my hotel and they made us watch a video but I never signed up. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Success is 50% inspiration, 50% perspiration, and 50% THE SECRET PERCENTAGE INCREASER MACHINE. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I can’t wait to see Hamilton when it comes to Los Angeles, with Young MC. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey, sometimes your stream just bifurcates #MalePeeTalk — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I wish I had a 3D print of my regrets. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This woman patiently explained that I cannot #vote for #Trump in a Democratic Primary. https://t.co/i7aPnckEYa — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I think my Fitbit is just trying to make me feel good. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Buying a decorative gourd is like saying, “Here, let me throw that out for you in four months.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The Taliban’s new leader is said to be “low-key.” Which explains the Taliban’s new video, “Death to Whatevs!” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

It’s tough this year. I’m worried Hillary’s a liar, and I’m worried Trump’s not. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I watch RuPaul’s Drag Race to learn how to unhook a bra. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey NYC, the profound documentary @thewitnessfilm is opening at @ifccenter tomorrow. Do not miss it! Link to tickets https://t.co/RgHBRnjTJn — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Is it weird that my wife will only have sex if I Face Swap with her personal trainer? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Have been trying an all-juice diet, and check this out – me, one hour ago! https://t.co/BfV7EOqSHK — PolitiTweet.org