Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I really enjoyed playing #GearsofWar4 with @WizKhalifa, and not just because of the delicious potato salad we shared https://t.co/vLy7b104Au — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

When people ask if the carpet matches the drapes, I say it’s all hardwood, baby. Or maybe laminate? I’ll put you in touch with my designer. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The pain of childbirth is nothing compared to the pain of not getting recognized at Target. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Hey, @DavidOrtiz, love my new shirt benefitting @DavidOrtizFund. Get your shirt today: https://t.co/8SX3o34VtO… https://t.co/XZhrQaqBFn — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Are you allowed to drive in the carpool lane if you’re riding with the voice of your disapproving father? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

If the Founding Fathers were alive today, they'd probably win Dancing with the Stars. Those gentlemen were quite agile. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

“Stranger Things” captures the 80s so well, there’s even a scene of me not getting laid in college. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Trump’s “Make America Great Again” hats are truly terrible, but they aren’t worse than Woodrow Wilson’s “Our Nation Could Be Nifty” scarves. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

.@KevinHart4Real thinks I have the body of Dutch woman. Watch as I prove him wrong. https://t.co/IyIefgTXuk — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I think it’s disgusting that my writers charge me more for Epipen jokes. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I went toe-toe-toe with @KevinHart4Real at the gym. He might have the muscle but I've got the reach. #WhatNow https://t.co/IyIefgCmCM — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m with Trump--I blame every bad show on my microphone. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Great, yet another drive-in movie ruined by the neighbors saying I can't park on their lawn and watch movies through the living room window. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m at the age where all my tweets start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Need to register to vote? Text “COUNT” to 384-387 or register to vote here: https://t.co/DvyBg0U9OX with… https://t.co/yXHFFMdR1S — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Stop scrolling through Twitter for a minute and 34 seconds and register to vote. https://t.co/x2MBTnPHQz #voteIRL — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

At a restaurant, sitting one table away from VP candidate Mike Pence. Wait, no, sorry that’s just a white napkin. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Don’t mean to brag, but today Fitbit said I took 10,000 steps to avoid hearing about other people’s dreams. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I would get scrotox for my scrotum, but I’m afraid of scrotulism. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Obviously. #ThreeFictionalCharacters https://t.co/Na1opiXcD9 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The name "Brangelina" is now freed up for Oscar Brange and Lina Abramowitz. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Conangelina. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Donald Trump has pledged to create 25 million new jobs. All of them in the profession of fact-checking. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Finally saw Silence of the Lambs. Not that funny. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

When I'm on the freeway I can't help but honk at the a-holes who don't like my violent, unpredictable driving. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm a compromise conspiracy theorist. I believe Neil Armstrong walked on the moon and Buzz Aldrin didn't. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

There are literally no words for how vibrantly prismatic I find the technicolor hues of a rainbow. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Right before I die, if my life flashes before my eyes, I hope there aren't 30 second ads before each section. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

There’s no freude like Schadenfreude. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Please come to dinner with Timothy Olyphant and me. Don’t leave me alone with that man. https://t.co/Y6YjniZequ — PolitiTweet.org