Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

People who are excited to have our first female president haven’t noticed how fake Rutherford B. Hayes’ beard was. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

A woman is suing KFC for $20 mill after getting a bucket of chicken she said was half empty. KFC is countersuing her for being a pessimist — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Beat the traffic and #GoVote now! Find out more about early voting from @HeadCountOrg here: https://t.co/ll6RxGA1zm https://t.co/uXsVw1OuXv — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I can’t wait ‘til November 9th when we can go back to focusing on Kim and Kanye. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just got an offer from Wells Fargo to open a checking account for this bowl of minestrone. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just got my testosterone results back from my physical. The results are clearly rigged. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I want the Cubs to break the curse, but I want it to be the Curse of Tutankhamun. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My good friend & comedy genius Robert Smigel just lost his father. My show & I mourn the loss of this special man. https://t.co/TIL6aUjY4f — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I will only have sex with the lights out, the music on, and nobody else in the room. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My best chance of catching up on all the great TV shows is a non-fatal skiing accident. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The Peanuts Halloween special is adorable, right up until the point when the Great Pumpkin orders Linus to kill. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'm glad Bob Dylan got the Nobel Prize in Literature, but apparently the committee didn't see my searing tweet last month about Craisins. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Moneysaver: Any swing is a sex swing if you have sex in it. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I don’t want to toot my own horn, so I pay a visiting foreign student named Raf to do it for me. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My only worry about a President Trump is that he’ll use his bad for evil. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Once again, the Department of the Interior has turned down my petition to get “Sexy Ginger Dad” put on the Endangered Species List. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Visit https://t.co/dijqtd60YL to help honor my friend Robin Williams' passion for cycling and giving. https://t.co/aL65jrHx9Z — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

We all make fun of it, but how creepy would it be if we suddenly STOPPED getting e-mails from LinkedIn? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Welcome to my favorite #restaurant in New York. #ConanNYC #NYC https://t.co/9ZZaBSdXuI — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Took a class at the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater today. Check out my new dance, "The Iron… https://t.co/r3pqnECgpb — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This election has me like INSERT GIF. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Got a new hairstyle today thanks to 30 West African women. #ConanNYC @ New York City, Harlem https://t.co/1nTfL5OYyj — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My wife reported a creepy clown sighting in our bedroom but I was in there and I didn’t see anything. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This latest Trump scandal reminds me of the time I thought my mic was off and said “I kinda like pears.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Thank you @janson_chris and fenderbilly for this incredible custom #Fender Paramount acoustic… https://t.co/E06CPzsMmp — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Fairy Tale Trivia: The wolf in 3 Little Pigs and the wolf in Red Riding Hood were roommates at UC Santa Cruz. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Will this be the year I look up the rules for lacrosse? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I'll never forget the memories @WizKhalifa and I shared playing #GearsofWar. Or maybe I will. #CluelessGamer https://t.co/vLy7b104Au — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Personally, I can’t wait for the presidential election of 2020 between Laura Bush and The Situation. — PolitiTweet.org