Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Found this photo in my childhood home. Ten minutes later, I adopted the hairstyle that would rocket me to internat… https://t.co/WuAqlSgh86 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Neil deGrasse Tyson: The effects of altering the Space-time continuum are unknowable. Me: I hate watching “It’s A Wonderful Life” with you. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I love crossing names off my Christmas shopping list because they’re no longer speaking to me. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m such a Secret Santa that you won’t even know if I got you anything. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Just ran into the two gentlemen who arrested me in '09 for stealing a police horse. #HappyHolidays to #Boston's Fin… https://t.co/TZIXpXzEk2 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

.@StephenAtHome That's sweet, but those signs were hand painted by George W. Bush and NOT to be taken. Return immediately. #willprosecute — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

At my parents' home in Brookline, MA and they have this ornament on the tree from '93. #HappyHolidays https://t.co/y8fyg3DfxR — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Life hack: If you run out of breadcrumbs for a recipe, turn your computer keyboard over and shake it. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. The worst trick he pulled was that “Got your nose” thing. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Ear buds were almost called lobe chums. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m going to say we’re 10 months away from a “Real White House Wives of DC” show. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

'Tis the season for weird guys to go into Brookstone, use all the massagers, then leave without buying anything. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I was so hoping that Natalie Portman’s biopic “Jackie” was about Jackie Chan. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

How many licks does it take to get to the center of an outdated TV commercial reference? — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I don’t bring it up a lot, but if you just count the electoral votes, I won “The Voice” last season. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

According to the 25th Amendment, if the President is incapacitated, the Vice President becomes the executive producer of “The Apprentice.” — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

When it comes to kids' hats, Norway wins. https://t.co/1TIuncH89Z — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

My dressing room in #Oslo. This is both a lamp and a form of birth control. https://t.co/97JJKzfUVZ — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

A video game is the only place where @TerryCrews and I are equally effective in war. https://t.co/dseW9Urwyy #CluelessGamer #Battlefield 1 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Thanks to Donald Trump, coal is coming back to our stockings. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

A highlight from #ConanBerlin was @Flula teaching me a drinking song that translates to "1 More Will Fit Inside You" https://t.co/Pi1vcnaPfn — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I visited a professional dominatrix in #ConanBerlin. My nipples still haven't forgiven me. https://t.co/7ILUNmar98 — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

#ConanBerlin airs tonight at 10/9c on @TBSNetwork. It’s the international incident we've all been dreading. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I’m live on @YouTube with @Flula Borg answering all #ConanBerlin questions in a precise and orderly fashion. https://t.co/eVoPnrXIoX — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Every year I ask for “World Peace” and I never get it, so fuck it, I want wireless headphones! — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

This holiday season, give the gift that says “Here is your gift.” Give a candle. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

I walked 5K today for no reason or cause and now I feel like a selfish prick. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Call me old-fashioned, but I still prefer the original mannequin challenge: 24 hours in the window of a Sears without alerting security. — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Update on my neighbor: The pilgrim hat on the decaying Jack O’Lantern has been replaced with a Santa hat — PolitiTweet.org

Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien

Wow, the Cleveland Browns are 0-12. On the bright side, they're still leading in the popular vote. — PolitiTweet.org